by Brendan McGinley

In the space of a couple weeks, the self-published erotic Fifty Shades trilogy has exploded the internet, dominated The New York Times Best Sellers List, and prepared for film rights auction. But you haven’t heard of it, because you’re a dude. So we broke down absolutely everything you need to know about this series of BDSM novels before the next nubile coed virgin asks you to break out the riding crop and call her “Miss Steele.”

Metropolis warned us about this.

Brendan McGinley is editor round these parts when not writing comics or Cracked columns. You can get a free smile and wave from him on Twitter @BrendanMcGinley.

We pitted the nicest guy we know against this pint-sized sadist to prove yoga is not for the weak.

Men invented the fantasy lover with no personality in porn, then perfected it with a Real-Life Frankensexdoll. Eeyuck. Better go the opposite route and purify yourself with 30 Rock‘s Kevin “Dot Com Brown” in Yoga for Manly Men.