The Internet – and FOX News – were in a flutter this week, as DC Comics casually dropped the news that one of their iconic characters would be turning gay. And before you freak out about the term “turning,” DC recently rebooted their entire universe, so this would be a character we haven’t seen in the past nine or ten months, was previously heterosexual, and would be reintroduced as homosexual. Also, it’s a dude.

So who’s it going to be? Here’s some of the likely candidates, and the odds that they’re the superhero coming out of the closet:

Superman

Yay? That’s what FOX News seems to think is happening…have they ever been wrong?

Nay? Well, it’s an iconic character that hasn’t appeared yet, and DC only has a zillion comics with Superman in ‘em.

Odds: 1,000,000 to 1

To have a sexual orientation, you first must be able to feel something besides a burning thirst for vengeance.

Batman

Yay? If there’s one character that’s consistently rumored to be gay, it’s The Dark Knight. It would certainly explain what’s up with all the “wards” he takes on, goes the incredibly popular and common joke.

Nay? Current writer Scott Snyder has flatly denied Batman will be coming out of the Batcave, though he did add that if he did, he’d write him the same way anyway, because Batman is “Gothamsexual.”

Odds: 500,000 to 1

Possessing the wisdom of Solomon would make him a tired stereotype as Wonder Woman’s worldly best friend

Shazam

Yay? The hero formerly known as Captain Marvel (can you guess why DC had to change his name?) is in the middle of an origin reboot – and making him gay would certainly be a way of differentiating him from the guy he’s frequently confused with: Superman.

Nay? Shazam is a young boy who magically turns into a hunky, overly muscled man. Adding homosexuality to that mix is basically like throwing catnip to the self-appointed moralists.

Odds: 250 to 1

He’s already the Justice League’s Mario Cantone

Plastic Man

Yay? Have you seen the costume he runs around in? Plus, there would be something kind of on the nose about having the totally flexible guy go both ways.

Nay? Maybe a little TOO on the nose.

Odds: 75 to 1

Ah, Robin, he’s a good kid

Literally Any Robin

Yay? See Batman and hilarious ongoing jokes, above. Also, there’s so many Robins, it would be easy to spare one of ‘em to make a point or whatever.

Nay? All of the Robins have shown up at this point in the DC Universe… Though not all in a Robin costume. So it doesn’t contradict anything said before, but it would be a bit of a cheat.

Odds: 35 to 1

We have absolutely no applicable Flash jokes here

Flash

Yay? When DC comic book fans hear “iconic character that hasn’t shown up yet,” they think of Wally West, the third guy to wear the super fast Flash costume. DC has repeatedly said they wouldn’t bring him back into comics until they had a unique take on him… Is this it?

Nay? One of the major things people loved about Wally was his happy marriage and twin children. Not that DC hasn’t removed a few couples, children, and pounds from their characters since the reboot, but this would be like they were just f**ing with West’s fans for the heck of it. Actually, that sounds exactly like DC to us.

Odds: 15 to 1

Blah blah pun about flaming

Green Lantern

Yay? This is the current rumor floating around on the Net, reportedly “leaked” by reliable sources, that Green Lantern will turn out to be gay. Not the one Ryan Reynolds played, but Alan Scott, the original Green Lantern from the 1940s, who has just turned up in the Earth 2 comic (don’t ask). Is this leaked rumor a way of drumming up publicity?

Nay? Actually, we’re pretty sure this is the guy, considering his son (who doesn’t exist anymore) was a prominent gay character in the DCU. This is a way of paying homage to that, without pissing too many fans off… Because Alan Scott doesn’t have too many fans. Sorry, ten people who just got upset about us saying that.

Odds: 2 to 1

Call for help, and maybe Turkish Evil Spider-Man will save you

Alex Zalben is the sinister mastermind behind New York’s Comic Book Club every Tuesday night. Follow him on Twitter @azalben, or with your Spidey sense.

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