In certain professions (read: sports), the Hall of Fame is one of the most prestigious honors for an individual. The rest of the time, they are completely pointless. Which is why I think it’s necessary to have a pointless Hall of Fame for the most useless Hall of Fames currently in existence. In my humble opinion, here’s the 2012 Inaugural Class.
The Magic: The Gathering Hall of Fame
Did you know there are people that still play Magic: The Gathering? And not just the time travelers from 1998. There’s actually a Pro Tour and the Hall of Fame was created in 2005 (although it only exists online). I’d joke that the Hall of Fame should rotate between the basements of every members parents’ house but nerdy basement jokes are even older than Magic: The Gathering. So instead I’ll just point out that having a digital hall of fame with a concrete honor is kind of weird. See, the Hall of Fame gives every member a commemorative ring when they are inducted. I can’t even begin to imagine how turned on a woman gets when she sees that ring. And thanks to judgmental Gizmodo writers, I don’t have to. The real Hall of Fame for Magic players should be for having class and dignity in the face of tired, old jokes about nerds/virgins. It’s the 21st century, people. Everyone’s a geek.
The Consumer Electronics Hall of Fame
In existence since 2000, the Consumer Electronics Hall of Fame has a noble purpose. It “is an opportunity to honor the visionaries who have paved the way for the products and services that are changing the way we live… .” Then they have a few lines of “blah, blah, blah” and end with “Without them, the world would be a very different place.” Really, would it be that different, or would someone else have just stolen whatever idea it was the inductee cashed in on? My only problem with this Hall of Fame is that anyone who really changes the game is honored in another way: giant piles of money. That’s kind of how capitalism works. Steve Jobs was inducted in 2009. How much do you think he cared about that plaque? Probably not as much as the adoration of the public and the massive fortunes that come with it.
The National Toy Hall of Fame
The most important Toy Hall of Fame exists in the hearts of men and women lucky enough to grow up in a country where childhood meant playing with toys at home instead of making toys in a factory. Enshrinement in this Hall of Fame is pointless because it won’t change how you remember the game. Marbles were inducted in 1998 and guess what? They are still terrible. Nobody ever liked marbles. The Hall of Fame might make for a neat trip if you lived in the neighborhood (it’s part of the Museum of Play) but what’s the point? If I really wanted to see a Barbie, I could just go to any big box store. I also have a huge problem with some of the inducted toys. The Blanket was inducted in 2011. That’s a pretty big slap in the face for plastic soldiers, who are stuck rigid in outrage over being excluded. I would also argue that the Cardboard Box (2005) is a joke. Give any child a box for his birthday and see how that plays with the kid’s parents.
Robot Hall of Fame
My chief complaint with this is that half of the inductees aren’t real. Bender from Futurama, the Terminator and C-3PO are all in the Hall of Fame. Those aren’t real things. If this was an imaginary robot Hall of Fame, fine, but why cheapen a robotics Hall of Fame it with ridiculousness? Is anyone arguing that Wall-E should’ve been given the nod over Astro Boy? R2D2 was in the Hall’s inaugural class. R2D2 was not a robot. R2D2 was a midget in a bucket.
Mascot Hall of Fame
The problem with this is that it was started by the original Philly Phanatic, who was also a member of the inaugural class. How self-important do you have to feel before you create a Hall of Fame and make yourself the first inductee? That sounds like lame advice from a kitschy self-help seminar. It is also a fairly transparent way to justify spending a considerable part of your life as a clown. No one buys tickets to Phillies games to watch the mascot. No one is going to Ohio State games because they want to see what shenanigans Brutus the Buckeye is getting into. If this Hall of Fame was any more worthless, it would have a lame tagline like “The Mascot Hall of Fame: where every member has to jump through hoops!”
If you want to do something that isn’t a waste of your time, Mark ran through our Best Guy Trips. –>