The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

This…this is why the internet is wonderful

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Look chief, we’re not your mom over here. You’re goofing off, and frankly, we don’t care. Maybe the work day is done. Maybe you need a break! Maybe you’re waiting for something big and need to distract yourself. Maybe it’s lunch! Or maybe you have no reason whatsoever and are a terrible leech upon society, not only wasting your own productivity but also precious waking hours of your all-too-short-life, single-handedly plunging our economy into ruin while eager and bright youngsters live off of coffeehouse tips and cook their nightly ramen in their own hot tears of shame. But hopefully it’s some of those first ones!

In any case, we won’t condemn your need for time-wasting diversion. We just want to make sure you’re picking the right one. Here’s a collection of finely tuned time-wasters that will address the exact hole in your soul that needs plugging — and thus allow you to return to work a renewed dude of vim and vigor! Or at least, you’ll have some fun clicking on things for a while.

infectonator toge productions1 The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

Zombies and a pretty dame? Count us IN!

When you want to be the bad guy

Zombies…maybe they’re not so bad? Or maybe they are, and that’s exactly what you want to be. Become the Infectonator of Worlds! Have your hordes eat and add the mystical powers of MJ, the Hulk, and Colonel Sanders while you’re at it, because of course that makes sense. Alternately, if you’re tired of trying to be a noble castle tower defender, try just being an evil treasure horder in Cursed Gems, and zapping any number of would-be Indiana Joneses into cackle-worthy piles of dust.

dontshootpuppy rrrrr The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

You…you didn’t listen

When you need to remind yourself to read instructions

Don’t Shoot The Puppy. Seriously. We’re not sure how else to get through to you here.

bbr juicy beast1 The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

Well…this and free sexy pictures are why the internet is wonderful

When you want to destroy everything in your path

Burrito Bison Revenge is kind of like a journey. It is kind of like an old bizarre anime game called Nanaca Crash. It is also kind of like a really great acid trip. However you quantify it, you get to crush endless legions of gummi bears, some of whom are cops you get to fight. Who loses here? No one.

incredibox so far so good The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

All together now, guys

When you’d rather be a DJ

Incredibox is a simple and addictive means to create your own song without having to know a damn thing about a click track. Beats, vocals, and catchy choruses are just a click away, and suddenly you’ll realize your magnum opus has only yourself and the cleaning lady for an audience.

musaic box kranx productions 1c The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

Music hath charms to soothe the savage gamer breast

When you want to get your detective on

Keep the music, but then add some sleuthing in Musaic Box. You may never get to be a real detective, but neither was Jerry Orbach. And yet both of you can make terrible puns while pretending to solve crime. You have something in common with Jerry Orbach now! Your life is better.

crushcastle armor games1 The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

Yeah! Crush it good!

When you are Angrier than Birds can handle

Blah Blah birds angry flinging yes yes. It was all very cute, but now we need to move on. Giving a cartoon pig a lump on the head is not going to satiate my rage glands. But Crushing A Castle…now that’s a way to hear the lamentations of their women, friends!

dolphin olympics rawkins games The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

Shouldn’t that dolphin be eating those fish?

When you need a nice gentle game or else you’ll go to a place with nice soft wall

If your day has left you somewhere between Jack Nicholson at the end of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest and and this, you might need the pastel-and-whispers world of Orsinal. It’s not exactly macho, but neither is crying to Pixar movies, and I know you’ve done that and loved it. Or if you just want to get as close to being on a beach and hearing the surf, Dolphin Olympics reduces your responsibilities in life to “jump around and maybe to the moon, or not, whatever, you’re a dolphin.” Trust us on that one: clutch.

cursor 10 neko games The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

Turns out you’re your own time-wasting coworker

When you just wish you had an army of clones instead of dumbass coworkers

You could do your job in half the time if you just had ten of you. And in Cursor 10, that’s the only way you can do it.

burn the rope jayis games The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

You seriously have to burn that rope, guys, no fooling around

When you need instant gratification

Ok, so maybe it’s really not your day. Maybe you just want someone to pat you on the back, a dollar on the ground, or to beat a kid in arm wrestling. If you’re fresh out of college and aren’t getting the constant positive feedback that’s defined you thus far, we heartily recommend Achievement Unlocked. If your tolerance for losing is at complete zero, just try the honest, direct, and uber-congratulatory You Have To Burn The Rope.

robot ah The Right Games for the Wrong Occasion

They saved Hitler’s Brain! And terrible hairstyle choices

When you want to kill Robot Hitler

Wolfenstein. The game where, as we just said above, you get to kill Robot Hitler. If we need to talk you into this, you may as well renounce your U.S. citizenship right now.