Women

Meet 1943′s Sauciest Comediennes

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These dames got moxie!

These dames got moxie!

Alex Zalben
Alex Zalben is a writer and comedian living in NYC. He's written for...
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by Alex Zalben

Hey there, fellow flat-foots! While we’re stuck at home waiting out the War (that would be World War II, of course), the hottest ticket on the homefront is that triumphant trio, The Apple Sisters. Based in Los Angeles, the three ladies sing, they dance, and they will have you laughing and cheering. We hopped on the train from New York to interview ‘em, and several weeks later, there we were, backstage at an Apple Sisters show chatting with Cora, Seedy, and Candy Apple. Fair warning, fellers, there’s a little blue language, and you might see some knee. 

apples anchor flag wave1 Meet 1943s Sauciest Comediennes

All that’s missing is apple pie. Or is it?

Man Cave: Tell me about the Apple Sisters… How’d did you gals meet, anyway?

Cora: I’ve got this one, sisters. I’ve known these girls since I was born. I don’t know if I can pinpoint the exact moment of meeting.

Candy: Cora, you dumb dullard!

Seedy: What Cora is TRYING to say is that we are SISTERS. We grew up together.

Candy: You call yourself a journalist. Let me see your credentials!

Man Cave: Whoa, ladies, whoa! Give me the rundown: each of you introduce yourselves, where you’re from.

Candy: I’m Candy Apple, the middle child. I’m tough as nails and sassy for all the lassies. I just love my husband Cheryl who is a man fighting in the war overseas.

Seedy: Cheryl, that’s a funny name for a boy.

Candy: Sure is. Hello, newspaper-reading lassies.

apples holiday kicks1 Meet 1943s Sauciest Comediennes

We’ll be home for Christmas

Seedy: Well, I’m Seedy, I’m the oldest. And I just love my boyfriend God, who is watching over us right now, whether you’re answering questions for an article in the papers, or working in the factories.

Candy & Cora: Buzz Buzz Buzz boring!

Cora: I’m Cora Apple. I’m the dumb one. I’d love sailors so much because I just LOVE seamen! Yay!

Man Cave: You have a pretty unique live version of your radio show you do. For those who haven’t been able to score a ticket yet, what can a theatergoer expect from an Apple Sisters show?

apples swimsuits floorkicks Meet 1943s Sauciest Comediennes

Say, look, fellers! GAMS!

Seedy: First of all, WHAT are you DOING? You really should be getting on the first bus charter out to Hollywoodland to come see a live show!

Cora: For you first time Apple Sisters show fans, you can expect a big huge MESS! Our show is a MESS!

Candy: Cora is half right. Our shows are certainly messy. If we don’t have pudding on our face, blowing bubbles with our mouths, or spitting corn, it’s not an Apple Sisters show.

Seedy: An added bonus, you get top notch LIVE three part harmony, dancing, special guests from the stage and screen, AND a big huge mess for one low, low price!

Candy: And for those of you who just listen, I think you should know that YES, we are all as attractive as we sound.

Cora: Except Candy. She’s got a face for radio.

Candy: Cora!

Man Cave: I bet all the boys in the service want to know if you’re single, and if so, do they have a shot? And what about reporters, wink, wink?

Cora: YES! YES! And YES! I’m a cheap date.

Candy: You get what you pay for.

Cora: Hey!

Seedy: As I said before, I’m taken. I am in a steady relationship with the creator of man! We sometimes have long walks on water and I drink his blood, which he turns back into wine.

Candy & Cora: Ew, Seedy, gross!!

apples army flag Meet 1943s Sauciest Comediennes

Pictured: What we’re fighting for

Candy: And sorry buster, even if I didn’t have a husband, you’d never have a shot with me. But I have plenty of room in my life for some girlfriends, ladies??

Man Cave: I hear you gals just went into the studio and recorded at album, what can you tell us about that?

Candy: Now we’re cooking with gas!

Seedy: Candy, gas is being rationed, it’s 1943.

Cora: Which is also the name of our record! 1943 Meet 1943s Sauciest Comediennes! Available for purchase at our PO Box, TheAppleSisters.com

apple1943 Meet 1943s Sauciest Comediennes

It will always be 1943 in our hearts

Candy: Oh readers, it’s a real swell album, with a full live band and it includes many, MANY talented Apple Sisters pals including PAUL F. TOMPKINS! OLIVIA WILDE (House, Cowboys & Aliens), KATE MICUCCI (Garfunkel & Oates, Raising Hope), EBAN SCHLETTER (Mr. Show), and Grammy Award winning fiddle player SARA WATKINS!

Candy: And as always, we have our maestro on the piano, Jerome Kurtenbach.

Cora: It’s an instant classic and you should purchase one today with all your ration stamps.

Candy: It’s available three ways.

Cora: Just like most of my nights.

Man Cave: You also have a radio show you do… Where can we check it out live? And is there any place online we can find it? By which I mean, we’re happy to wait on a ration line to listen to your show.

Cora: You can see us every month at the Elephant Lab Theatre. Check our PO Box for details.

apples anchor candid Meet 1943s Sauciest Comediennes

Those are some swell broads

Seedy: Our Christmas show is available on our YouTube page (it’s a VERY long tube with moving pictures) /applesisters – where Cora was proposed to by a seamen!

Candy: You can also listen to our monthly podcast (it’s a new fangled word for radio show) available on iTunes (a tune of eyes?!)

Cora: You can even be a part of our podcast by answering our MAILROOM QUESTIONS on our Facebook page (a book of faces?!)

Man Cave: Any other thoughts to leave the boys–and gals–with? Any words you’d like to get to our men fighting overseas?

Seedy: Keep fighting the good fight! We are proud of you men, and when you return we’ll burn the slacks we have and have supper on the table waiting for you! Meat and potatoes!

Cora: I love meat and potatoes!

Candy: To all you ladies out there, just know that I think of you and ONLY you every time I perform.

apples army boxer Meet 1943s Sauciest Comediennes

Looks like the gals wanna tussle, eh?

Seedy: You can support the Apple Sisters by purchasing a record, “liking” us on our book of faces, or coming to a live show. We’re doing God’s work afterall, entertaining our boys overseas.

Candy: Buzz Buzz Buzz snoozical!

Cora: Call me, sometime.

Candy: Let’s get out of here “Sometime.”

Seedy: Oh brother! Thanks for having us Alex and until next time…
(they sing)
We’re the Apple Sisters
To All You Misters
Ouch! I gotta blister
Panties in a Twister
THANKS MR. ZALBEN!
It’s the Apple Sisters Variety Shooooooow!

In real life, the Apple Sisters are three fabulously talented comedians named Kimmy Gatewood, Sarah Lowe, and Rebekka Johnson. You can check out their new album, and more info, at TheAppleSisters.com.


Alex Zalben is the sinister mastermind behind New York’s Comic Book Club every Tuesday night. Follow him on Twitter @azalben, or with your Spidey sense.

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