We’ve had so many people come to the site looking for Halloween cocktails, we had to pour some more! 

by Steve Stevenson

It’s the season of the witch, and while beer and shooters may be fine for the rest of the year, Halloween demands a more exotic choice of beverage. But we’re not talking about adding a little red food coloring and a plastic eyeball to a martini here–that nonsense is strictly for the bush-league. If you’re reading Man Cave Daily–which scientific reasoning suggests you are–then you want a cocktail recipe that would make Satan himself say, “Whoa there, fella, I’ve got work on monday.”

Here’re a few Halloween-themed cocktails guaranteed to raise some hell.

Zombie

• 1 measure dark rum
• 1 measure white rum
• Half measure of apricot brandy
• Half measure of lime juice
• 2 measures of pineapple juice
• 1 table spoon of sugar
• Cherry and Pineapple wedge to garnish

Bonus: you get tiki gods with your zombie!

Put the ingredients into a cocktail shaker and throw in a little ice. Shake it like a Polaroid picture, then strain into a glass. Spear the cherry and pineapple on a cocktail stick, envisioning your enemies while doing so, and then garnish.

The Zombie was once quoted by famous Scottish comedian Billy Connelly as the only cocktail that “gets you drunk from the bottom up,” and when it comes to alcohol, you’d best pay attention when a Scottish comedian is talking.

Despite suggesting brain-eating ghouls, the name “Zombie” applies to the shambling mess you become after you’ve drank too many of them and your motor functions decide to take a leave of absence. With a blend of delicious fruit flavors masking the high alcohol content, this is not a cocktail that should be taken lightly. Not unless you enjoy people drawing penises on your face while you’re unconscious.

And YES the cherry and pineapple garnish is an essential part of the cocktail. So help me if I catch you drinking a Zombie without the garnish there’ll be hell to pay.

Brain Hemorrhage

• 1 measure of Peach Schnapps
• 1 tsp of Bailey’s
• 2 drops of grenadine

Take a shot glass and fill it part way with Peach Schnapps. Now pour about a teaspoon of Bailey’s Irish Cream slowly into the mix (you might want to poor it over a spoon base to ensure it doesn’t sink to the bottom of the schnapps.) Add a couple of drops of grenadine and you should have a shooter full of red liquid with a delightful floating Bailey’s ‘brain’. You should also feel faintly nauseated by now.

This is definitely a shooter made more for visual effect than any other sort of appeal. Whether it’s the fact that it looks like a zombie sneezed into your glass, or the fact that drinking it feels like a hate crime against your gag reflex, the brain hemorrhage is far from a pleasant drinking experience. However, in terms of looking the part for a Halloween booze-fest, nothing beats the Brain Hemorrhage for sheer shock factor.

The @£$%ing Mental

• 1 measure blue Curacao
• 1 measure vodka
• 1 measure peach schnapps
• Half a pint of orange juice

Throw this all into a shaker with ice and a healthy dollop of reckless abandon. Shake it, shake it, shake it, yeah. Pour into a glass with ice and drink through a straw for maximum flavor impact.

Its bright-green ectoplasmic coloring makes this cocktail a stand-out drink at any Halloween bash, and because it’s mostly fresh orange juice and light spirits, it’s also easy to drink. In fact, it’s probably a little too easy to drink. The @£$%ing Mental is called so for a reason, and that reason is because of what is scientifically known as the ‘Hwwwlarrgle’ factor. As in “Man, you can barely taste the alcohol in this, I’ve had about five and I’m absolutely fine. I think I could carry on drinking these all Hwwwwarrglearrglearggle!”

Red Witch

• 1 measure vodka
• 1 measure Pernod
• 1 dash blackcurrant cordial
• Half a pint of sweet cider

No art to this, just stick ‘em all in a glass and mumble a short prayer to whatever elder gods may be listening.

In my long years as a bartender I only ever once served this cocktail. It was to a grim-faced biker woman, whose eyes bore the thousand yard stare of somebody who had once settled a card game dispute with a bowie knife, and would probably do so again before the day was through. She took the concoction, nursed it quietly in the corner, and left, never to be seen again. Her total disappearance struck me as odd until I actually tried the Red Witch, at which point I surmised that the woman had probably dissolved into a puddle and been washed into the gutters by rain water.

Anyone with any experience of Pernod will be able to vouch that “sweet” isn’t always the same as “nice,” but if you’re looking for a heady witch’s brew then this is the cocktail for you.

Mexican Vampire

• 1 and a half measures tequila
• 2 dashes of tabasco sauce
• 1 measure grape soda
• 3 measures Sangrita
• Salt and lemon juice (optional)

Prep your glass by finger-tipping the rim with lemon juice, and then dusting with a little salt. Sling all the ingredients bar the soda into a shaker with ice and shake (or blend them in a food processor if you’re feeling sexy and dangerous) and pour into a large tumbler. Top up the remainder with the grape soda. 

Not to be confused with weaker, Edward-Cullen-like imitators, this Mexican-style cocktail is wanted in fifteen states for crimes against sobriety. The addition of sangrita gives it the blood-like color that its namesake implies, and the addition of tabasco gives it the extra kick that turns an already dangerous cocktail into the Danny Trejo of beverages.

Drink enough of these and you’ll undoubtably turn into a pale, red-eyed creature with an aversion to sunlight, and though you won’t have gained immortality, you will certainly feel very, very old.

The Wolf Bite

• 1 measure of Absinthe
• 1 measure of melon liqueur
• 1 measure of lemon-lime soda
• 1 and a half measure pineapple juice
• A drizzle of grenadine

Throw everything except the grenadine and soda into a shaker with some ice. Shake that ass. And the shaker, obviously. Strain into a couple of shot glasses, top up with the lemon-lime soda and splash a drizzle of grenadine into each to get that “blood-streak” effect.

Another looker that’s kind of a challenge to drink. Absinthe is a classic goth drink, and nobody drinks it because it tastes good. They drink it because they want to seem like they are flirting with madness. Well, we here at Man Cave Daily don’t flirt with anything unless we fully intend getting into bed with it–so here’s the wolf bite; all the mentalness of Absinthe with a look straight out of a Spanish death metal band’s album cover. If this shooter doesn’t have you howling at the moon, then it’ll at least have you cursing at it, the stupid round bastard–WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?

You had this coming, Krang!

Steve Stevenson hopes that you’ll drink responsibly, and reminds you that anything you choose to ingest is entirely your own responsibility… but if you’re twisting his arm he’ll recommend the Zombie. Follow him on twitter. Because.

The skull bottle is essential

If you’re planning on drinking any or all of the above cocktails, then you might want to read up on The Five Worst Things About Your Hangover. Just in case. But for best results, mix with Four Killer Cocktails for Halloween.