The Columbia Broadcasting System and its affiliated stations present… What? No! It can’t be! That thing has a diameter? That’s impossible! Run for your lives! It’s…
Portugal and Castile crush a Marinid invasion at the Battle of Río Salado in 1340. The victory marks the last time a Muslim army was able to invade the Iberian Peninsula, and would have made a nice addition to Age of Empires II: The Conquerors expansion.
King Henry VII is crowned King of England, spelling an end to the last season of England’s real life Game of Thrones: the Wars of the Roses.
“Be our guest! Be our guest…”
Cardinal Cesare Borgia holds his infamous Ballet of Chestnuts at the Papal Palace in 1501 with a whole bunch of clergy and even more prostitutes. It remains one of the filthiest chapters in the history of the Vatican until… well, the cleanup the next day.
Nathaniel “Nat” Turner, a literate, highly religious escaped slave with “natural intelligence and quickness of apprehension, surpassed by few,” is captured in 1831 after leading the largest and bloodiest slave uprising in US history.
“This is Orson Welles…”
Twenty-three-year-old Orson Welles broadcasts his radio play of “The War of the Worlds” on CBS with the Mercury Theatre. It caused a phenomenon similar to John Galt’s speech in Atlas Shrugged, only infinitely less boring. Had Welles been reading Ayn Rand, this story would have read: “Unimportant Nobody Reads Long, Boring Speech”
Jackie Robinson signs a contract with the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1945, breaking the color barrier in baseball. “I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me,” he later said. “All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”
The Soviet Union detonates the Tsar Bomba, a 50 megaton hydrogen bomb with a blast radius of more than 20 miles. It remains the largest explosive device ever detonated despite being scaled down from its intended 100 megatons. We’re guessing anything larger would have knocked the Earth out of orbit.
Muhammad Ali knocks out undefeated World Heavyweight champion George Foreman at the famous “Rumble in the Jungle” in Kinshasa, Zaire. Considering the success of the George Foreman Grill, it can truly be said that both men won the fight.
The Dawn of ¥s
The PC Engine, later known as TurboGrafx-16, is launched in Japan, officially kicking off the 16-bit era of video game consoles. If it had one failing, it’s that it was extremely expensive. Also, its lack of a second controller port.
Goodbye everybody, and remember the terrible lessons you learned today. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming…