With all the mythology surrounding Thanksgiving, we can only be sure of one thing — it’s a Thursday. But this year those conniving ruffians over at PMW Live — a.k.a. songwriter/producer Patrice Wilson — have tried to make it another “Friday.” The force for evil behind Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” a.k.a the most popular bad song on the internet, has stuffed another mediocrity-turkey full of banality-stuffing and roasted it in the oven of public scrutiny at 400 degrees of terrible.
And we–millions of us–sat down at his table to eat. All are guilty! All are punished!
This time, the young lady Wilson has chosen to lure into his horrid schemes is one Nicole Westbrook, whose parents should have known better–or more ghastly to ponder: did know better, and dove in anyway. It’s one thing to spend the price of a car making a music video for your daughter, aux Rebecca Black’s folks, and it another, somehow even worse thing to do that knowing full well what taunts Rebecca Black had to endure in school.
Who knew kids could be cruel?
That said, Black’s career really took off…somehow. Sorta. In a way. And that way was a bunch of strangers recognizing her and saying things nobody should ever say about a 13-year-old girl, let alone in public, let alone in writing, let alone where she might read them.
Anyway, Black got to dance with Katy Perry, which is pretty much the reason all of us here in this crazy game called life, just working towards that one possibility. And it appears to be happening again, as Westbrook’s already posted 5.2 million views. Not bad for a song that could only be less about Thanksgiving if it weren’t the first mention of “mashed potato” in a pop song since 1962.
But come on! You can’t just slap a line about turkey in the blank hook of a keytar ditty you penned seven months ago and call that a Thanksgiving song. The music’s like a light step-number found in your more forgettable class of ’90s love songs, for guys in layered mullets and bright, blousy shirts to dance to next to women with teased hair.
The song’s nadir sinks in at the 1:45 mark when Wilson appears and steals from himself by citing previous holidays in the mode of Rebecca Black reciting the days of the week. And we, as a collective pop culture, settle comfortably into the new low. Internet, we beg of you: don’t give them any attention. Watch it once, and then…just leave. Don’t rate, don’t comment, and don’t give Wilson the views when he inevitably makes a third and presumably Wednesday-based song.
You probably need some help scrubbing your brain after the double dose of PMW Live, so here are the Black Keys:
Did you check out Weapons That Aren’t in Black Ops II (But Should Be)? Probably not, because you’re not paralyzed with laughter already. So before doing that, read the interview with The Man Who Ousted Tom Cruise from His Own Movie.