Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

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Credit: National Archive

Credit: National Archive

100_0672 Luis Prada
Luis Prada’s a columnist for Cracked, and his work can also be found...
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by Luis Prada

In June of 1944, the Office of Strategic Services, the prime U.S. intelligence gathering agency during World War II, gave New York makeup artist Eddie Senz a simple mission: take this picture of Adolf Hitler…

and alter his looks just in case Hitler pooped his bloomers after D-Day and attempted to hightail it out of town in disguise. Using what can now be considered primitive analog technology, Senz essentially Photoshopped the image so that it would give soldiers on the ground an idea of what Hitler would look like if he didn’t have his signature slick black hair and, let’s say, unique mustache.

hitler 2 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive

Senz delivered the photos above on June 6th, 1944, the day after D-Day. Nearly 70 years have passed, and in that time photo manipulation technology has become so advanced that the phones we carry in our pockets can alter someone’s image in the same way Senz laboriously altered Hitler’s image back in 1944. The technology has become so democratized that people literally give away photo manipulation apps for free. In an effort to aid the war effort, let’s use some of the free, highly advanced photo manipulation iPhone apps to capture Hitler while he’s dawned in one of his clever disguises. Citizens, be on the lookout for… Zombie Hitler, by Zombie Booth

hitler 3 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive/Zombie Booth

Because as Hollywood has taught us, mixing zombies with anything inherently scary makes it scarier, even though that makes no sense.

Hitler With Justin Bieber Hair, by Justin My Hair

hitler 5 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive/Justin My Hair

We assume that Hitler would think the playful unisex hairstyle popularized by Justin Bieber would soften the sternness of his eyes. It would not.

Astronaut Hitler, by Photo Booth for Free

hitler 6 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive/Photobooth for Free

“Who goes there?” shouts the U.S. solider on the hunt for Hitler. “Oh, you know, just an astronaut trying to go to space!” replies Hitler while wearing an astronaut’s helmet. Now that this mockup has been created, we’ll be able to avoid a scenario such as the one dramatized above.

Red-Haired Hitler, by Ginger My Face

hitler 7 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive/Ginger My Face

For this disguise, Hitler has chosen to assume the role of Conan O’Brien if his face were melting due to the fire on his head. Multi-Armed Ripped and Smoking Hitler Monster, by Jersey Booth

hitler 8 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive/Jersey Booth

In this one, Hitler is going for that “Mengele really f***ed up that super solider serum” look. Clown Hitler, by Scary Clown Booth

hitler 9 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive/Scary Clown Booth

For this disguise, Hitler asked his makeup artist “Can you burrow me deeper in to the nightmares of children?” And so he did. Santa Hitler, by Santa Booth

hitler 10 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive/Santa Booth

Hitler Logic: “Who in their right mind would want to kill the old guy from Jurassic Park when he played Santa in the remake of Miracle on 34th Street?”

Old and Fat Hitler, by Fatify and Oldify

hitler 11 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

National Archive/Oldify/Fatify

For this one, Hitler said “Make me look like Mr. Creostoe from Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life but with more puppy dog regret in my eyes.”

mr creosote1 Using iPhone Apps To Capture a Tyrant

Universal Pictures


This is what the collective, horny, moustache-growing consciousness of the internet looks like.

Uh…huh.

Luis Prada’s work can be found on Cracked, FunnyCrave, The Smoking Jacket, and GuySpeed. If you visit his Tumblr page, The Devil Wears Me, he will give you a non-refundable virtual hug.

Luis is the fellow who compiled 15 Weird Search Terms You Used to Get Here.

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