Man Cave Daily Welcomes Page Q Sports! Read More

How to Relax, Now With More Science!

View Comments
Well sure, it's easy to relax if this is who's waiting on your bed for purposes of a) napping, b) stretching, and c)  other.

Well sure, it’s easy to relax if this is who’s waiting on your bed for purposes of a) napping, b) stretching, and c) other.

DogBadge Writers Josh Hrala
Josh also writes articles for Cracked.com, which can be found here. He...
Read More
by Josh Hrala

We’re all trying to use science to live better. We have phones the size of Post-It Notes and are constantly connected to a world of interwebs, which is made out of tubes and stuff right? But science offers us way more than just easy access to to our social networks and endless pornography, it can help us relax in new and exciting ways. Add some spice to your alone time with these scientific inventions!

Music! “Weightless” by Macaroni Union

A good song is great way to chill down after a day of being screamed at by your boss or on your way to a stressful meeting, we here at Man Cave usually go for Alanis Morisette (Don’t you judge us!). You can just zone out alone and think, take in your surroundings and get into that chill mode (maybe even yodel along, damn you Alanis!) Well guess what, science thinks that’s totally lame! So what did science do? It made a song to end all relaxing songs, Weightless by Macaroni Union.

The song is so freaking relaxing it can get your dead. Yes, a song will murder you right to death if you let it (you must resist!). Scientists from a clinical study warn that the song is so relaxingly potent that if you listen to it while driving you may actually fall asleep, and one thing you definitely don’t want to do is sleep drive–sleep walk, maybe, depends on the neighborhood. Weightless is clinically proven more relaxing than a massage because it uses rythmes to control the listeners heartbeat taking them into an almost meditational state. So get out there and get baked off of beats.

Cuddle With a 50 Pound Blanket!

We here at Man Cave are manly men. We all have to keep our mustaches intact because a bare upper lip is not business casual here. But as soon as we get into our private man lairs we sure do love our blankets.

Science loves blankets too, and one woman actually figured out a way to make a blanket that does more than warm our toes in the winter. The Cozy Calm blanket is the first of it’s kind, using weighted beads the blanket soothes the user. This doesn’t seem like a giant leap for science here, just adding weight to a over rated piece of clothe but in reality the blankets design can help those with PTSD and other anxiety disorders. It even helps people with autism and insomnia fall quickly asleep, so your first world problems really aren’t that big of a challenge.

A Quick Nap!

If you can't find a woman like her to curl up with, use lucid dreaming to imagine her (see below).

If you can’t find a woman like her to curl up with, use lucid dreaming to imagine her (see below).

Say you have just listened to Weightless and cuddled up with your 50 pound bead blanket but still you cannot relax enough to sleep, thinking that science has failed you (or that you just had a load of caffeine and you’re tempting science–don’t tempt science). Well you’re still in luck because science still has a bunch of badass ideas on how to get you into happy dreamland. Take this machine that uses electro magnets to lull you into a deep sleep.

A sleep machine, guaranteed to make you fall asleep faster and deeper (ladies) than you have ever been before. Just strap that sucker on your melon and wham, you’re out. The machine claims to run off of electricity but we all know it runs off of stolen dreams and hopes. Let’s face it, if you need a robot to put you to bed you have bigger fish to fry than a worrying about feeling groggy.

The Lucid Dream Mask!

You can't achieve your dreams, but you can upgrade them.

You can’t achieve your dreams, but you can upgrade them.

Okay so you passed on the robotic dream eater machine and want the simple goal of lucid dreaming (controlling your dreams) but lack the mental strength to do so without waking up. Don’t worry because once again science saves your ass.

A kickstarter campaign has decided to give us the power over our dreams. Now when you sleep you can do whatever you want and go where ever you want to go all from the comforting nest of a 50 pound blanket and a lucid dream mask. The mask works by blinking three small LED lights on one of those sleeping masks that are originally used to keep all light out. The lights allow the user to realize they are dreaming because somehow you can see still while you dream. Once you start dreaming and the LED lights which are faint enough to not wake you but bright enough to signal your brain in a dream, you can then take control of your fantasy world.

Add All of These Together!

Guys, we use this picture every excuse we get.

Guys, we use this picture every excuse we get.

Let’s face it, you can’t OD on relaxation. But if you could this room would do it. It features every possible relaxing thing science could think of. The room features relaxing sounds that sort of mimic what Weightless does to your body, making the listeners heart sync with the trance beats.

It features lights that are specifically chosen to have a relaxing effect, usually a tinge of green. The temperature is precisely set, and the smells use aromatherapy techniques to give the person a full assault on their relaxation.

This multimedia room is basically an art exhibit with more of a purpose than confusing people. It uses all of the senses and makes each one the most relaxing it can be. So just remember next time you get all bent out of shape that there are methods to relax, some may steal your dreams or make you die in a car crash but these are your options and this is America so you have the power to choose.


Josh Hrala
However you feel, there's a booze for that

However you feel, there’s a booze for that

 

Josh Hrala is also a writer for Cracked.com and his work can be found here. He would love to chat on Facebook. Or you can talk to him about writing stuff at joshhrala@gmail.com.

 How to Relax, Now With More Science!

Step 1) Hurl the ice into the glass as hard as you can.

You know what would relax you? Booze! Find your happy place with The Spirits of Spirits, or wind yourself up before you relax with the aggressive Man’s Guide to Mixing.

View Comments
blog comments powered by Disqus
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,713 other followers