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This Badass Day in History: December 11

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jacopo-della-quercia1 Jacopo della Quercia
Jacopo della Quercia is a man of many talents who somehow eluded d...
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by Jacopo della Quercia

We, the writers and editors of Man Cave Daily, do hereby declare our irrevocable determination that this eleventh day of December shall henceforth be known as…

badassdayberroiabyzantine This Badass Day in History: December 11

My Big Fat Greek Murder

Emperor Nikephoros II Phokas of the Byzantine Empire is assassinated by his wife Theophano and her lover, who incidentally was also Nikephoros’ nephew. Despite leading some of the most brilliant military campaigns in Byzantine history, Nikephoros suffered the indignity of having his head cut off and his body thrown out a window.

To his death, we imagine.

To his death, we imagine.

 

Another One Bites the Dust

Llywelyn the Last, the suitably named last prince of independent Wales, is killed at the Battle of Orewin Bridge.

Judging from this statue, he was subsequently reincarnated as Freddie Mercury.

Judging from this statue, he was subsequently reincarnated as Freddie Mercury.

 

In Living Color

The first color motion picture shown in the US debuts at Madison Square Garden in 1909. The film featured “2,000 children in formation as a giant, live Stars and Stripes” using a process called Kinemacolor, which while groundbreaking back then would probably come off as pretty boring today.

Still looks better than Green Lantern.

Still looks better than Green Lantern.

 

A Royal Pain

King-Emperor Edward VIII of the British Empire abdicates his throne as to marry a twice-married American socialite who may or may not have been a Nazi sympathizer. Fortunately for the blossoming new couple, Edward may or may not have been a Nazi sympathizer as well.

Pictured: chemistry

Pictured: chemistry.

 

Nutzy

Germany and Italy declare war on the US following the US Congress’ declaration of war against Japan in 1941. Since not a single German or Italian participated in the attack on Pearl Harbor, Hitler and Mussolini ended up sparing FDR the daunting task of convincing Congress to declare war on them first.

“What a relief!”

“What a relief!”

 

Winocki

The Japanese begin their invasion of Wake Island in 1941. According to Pulp Fiction, Butch Coolidge’s granddad Dane Coolidge would have been around to see this.

We're guessing Fabienne's grandmother was a nurse on that Air Force transport.

We’re guessing Fabienne’s grandmother was a nurse on that Air Force transport.

 

Joltin’ Joe Jolts

Joe DiMaggio announces his retirement from baseball in 1951. Three years later, he marries Marilyn Monroe for only 274 days.

They were happy for the first five minutes.

They were happy for the first five minutes.

 

Close, But No Cigar

Che Guevara addresses the General Assembly of the United Nations in 1964. He survived two assassination attempts while he was there.

Looks like the assassins missed and hit the woman behind him.

Looks like the assassins missed and hit the woman behind him.

 

Better Than Citibank

The great Lufthansa heist of 1971. Nearly $6 million in cash and jewels are stolen from John F. Kennedy International Airport by the cast of Goodfellas.

Apparently, it was not enough to pay for Ray Liotta’s reconstructive surgery.

Apparently, it was not enough to pay for Ray Liotta’s reconstructive surgery.

For those of you keeping track, that’s incestuous assassinations, Nazi conspiracies, movie premieres and Marilyn Monroe all rolled into one day. In short, a soon-to-be-titled follow up to Inglourious Basterds.


Lesser parties get medieval. This one went full Renaissance

Lesser parties get medieval. This one went full Renaissance.

Jacopo della Quercia is a man of many talents who somehow eluded death in 1438. He can regularly be found at Cracked and on Twitter @Jacopo_della_Q

Does anyone else hear fiddling?

Does anyone else hear fiddling?

Jacopo is MCD’s resident historian and keeper of the badass flame. Check out This Badass Day in History: October 30 and This Badass Day in History: October 9.

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