Who knew Gandalf the Grey partied so hard? It turns out the secret life of Middle Earth’s most respected wizard is a lot more like that one jerk you knew in college. We followed the wizard around Middle Earth for a day, and found out his true character.
1. Wake up on a park bench in Minas Tirith to a Guard of the Citadel poking you with a spear.
2. Catch a moth and whisper to it that you’re hungry. After eating the moth, start sifting through garbage for food.
3. Tramp around for a bit, pretending to be an old man with a limp, for some alms. Once you spot a horse with no owner in sight, ask some children if they can help you onto it.
4. Take an arrow through the foot for trespassing at Ithilien. Taunt the Rangers about how they have no king and are all going to die at Osgiliath in a few months.
5. That flesh wound on your foot is starting to fester. Search for some Kingsfoil, and by Kingsfoil you mean Longbottom Leaf. And by Longbottom Leaf you mean weed.
6. Upon realizing that you don’t know any practical magic, hide in some bushes and wait for a merchant to pass. After asking him for a match, knock him down and speed off in his cart.
7. After accidentally burning Fangorn Forest to the ground, an idea hits you…
8. Stop by Isengard and ask Saruman if he has any Halflings’ Leaf. If he scorns you for smoking too much, call him a Palantíri addict and storm out in a huff.
9. Make way for Bree. You know an inn there where you have running tabs on numerous fake names.
10. Get piss drunk selling story after story about Bagginses to a table of mysterious strangers in black in exchange for free beers. After that, tumble into an alley and call it a night.