Miracle at the 99 Cent Store

by Lauren Reeves

So there I was, roaming the aisles of 99 Cent Creations on 23rd street in Manhattan. Was I scared? Yes, but I knew what I had to do. I had to find the perfect gift for all the players in my life. As far as I could tell, I was on the world’s toughest assignment for Man Cave Daily, trying to find Christmas presents on the cheap, at a 99 cent store, and walk away feeling good about myself.

The first gift I stumbled upon was a Christmas mug, and guess what? It was 99 cents, but my grandfather doesn’t have to know that. Plus, in his day, 99 cents was a lot of money!

I somehow found myself in an aisle devoted to undergarments… it was no Victoria’s Secret but if I know one thing, everyone on my Christmas list could use new socks, much less, questionable underwear.

You know how some people, including friends and family are on the hunt for a job but they don’t have a good interview outfit? Well, problem solved, give them the gift of a tie, or several ties. When they land that dream job, they’ll have you to thank. Plus, you got three ties for two dollars and your newly employed friend can buy you a thank you dinner. You’re welcome!

I don’t know about you, but whenever I need to find my Grandma, she’s always in her garden, it’s like she lives there. Good thing the 99 cent store sells cheap gardening tools and ultra-grandma-y gardening gloves. The perfect gift for that woman in your life who loves growing tomatoes and other things that magically appear from the ground.

I only have one nephew, but some people have like, I dunno, a thousand? Man, kids are everywhere these days! Instead of wasting all your hard earned dough on some stupidly expensive toy helicopter, maybe buy some of the $4 squirt guns or toy guitars for them instead? The kids are just gonna break them anyways, am I right?

I always find the hardest people to shop for are my parents, it’s like, what do you give the people who raised you into such a weird human being? Well, my Mom likes to cook so I could get her some new oven mitts, lord knows she needs them after “the incident”. As for my Dad, there’s so many 99 cent picture frames in the store I will probably just stick my mugshot in one of them and say “Merry Christmas Dad! Aren’t you proud of me????” Yeah, that sounds good, he can stick it on the wall somewhere, maybe next to the pictures of all my other siblings?

Speaking of siblings, I have three sisters and a brother, this is usually where all my Christmas shopping money goes, but not this year! My older sister is such an adult, so I’m giving her an apron and some pots and pans, all for less than $10, combined! My two younger sisters are soooo cool, I found some crazy cheap hair extensions they can wear to da club and since I’m such a good older sister, I’m gonna throw in a wine opener, some wine glasses, and even some champagne glasses. They will be the coolest girls on campus one day when they are legal enough to drink alcohol. My brother is one of those guys who needs to add tools to his tool kit, good thing I found a 99 cent wrench, a hammer, a flashlight (is that a tool? Who knows?!) and a magnifying glass in case he wants to burn ants next summer like we did when we just kids.

Unless you want to lose your job, I suggest getting a present for your boss. I found these great tins for 99 cents each and you could probably fill them them with homemade or store bought cookies. If you want to go above and beyond, a 99 cent flask is always a great gift. If your boss doesn’t drink alcohol, tell them the flask can also be used for other liquids, like water or milk. PS, your boss sounds like a real weirdo!

Oh yeah, that coworker who’s your secret santa? I found the perfect gift for them. 99 cent nail polish for the ladies and 99 cent three packs of tennis and golf balls for the dudes. What a steal! Glad that’s over.

I hope I helped you guys. I never realized how much money I could save on Christmas presents by just going to 99 Cent Creations. I’m a genius, I don’t care what anyone says. Oh man, I almost forgot to mention, I accept presents year round, not just on the holidays. Please keep that in the front of your mind somewhere. Happy Holidays and again, you’re welcome.

 Lauren Reeves

Lauren Reeves is just another one of those girls who grew up on a goldmine in Alaska and moved to New York City at age 20. She spent 3 years working as a reporter and anchor for both ABC and NBC affiliates before transitioning into TV hosting, modeling, acting and comedy. Lauren has trained and performed in numerous shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, performs characters on Letterman, Conan and Fallon, and even starred in the show Goldfathers on National Geographic. Lauren suggests you follow her on Twitter because all the cool kids are doing it, don’t you want to be cool???


One cool Khatib

Lauren previously conducted An Extremely Important Interview with Hanni El Khatib.

More from Lauren Reeves

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