Twitter is an overwhelming world of wannabes. B-listers and below run rampant, and it can be hard to find quality to add to your timeline. Comedians are no exception, and may in fact be the most flooded niche of all. Everyone is a comedian, venting their witty observations and relationship jokes at you at dozens-per-minute. We’e sifted through the mess, coming out on the other end with a few comics you need to check out, from all levels of the game.
Let’s start with the ones you might already know:
Megan Amram – @meganamram
Harvard grad turned hipster-nightmare-comedian, Amram touts over 303,000 followers, including most famous comedians.
- At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose
- There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house
- WHY was Mario Kart not called “Mario Speedwagon
Rob Delaney – @robdelaney
You probably already follow Rob Delaney. So he probably shouldn’t be on this list. He has launched his career through twitter, becoming one of the most read, retweeted, and influential voices on the web via his 140 character spews. Often brash and occasionally political.
- Guns don’t kill people. People who say “Guns don’t kill people” kill people. With guns.
- I love gay people. Or as I sometimes call them, “people.
- F***ing gonna kill myself over the Justin/Selena breakup. This is so f***ed. The world is a toilet at a state fair. God is dead. AIDS.
Jenny Johnson – @JennyJohnsonHi5
Often even more brief than 140 characters, Johnson is straight to the point and always hilarious, with a nice disdain for Kim Kardashian. A few great ones:
- Most people don’t realize this, but you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
- My dad has cancer. RT @kimkardashian: I hate when I get my tea perfectly sweetened then the waiter comes & fills it & ruins my whole flow!
- I’d punch a baby for 8 hours of sleep.
Michael Che – @CheThinks
Michael Che’s career in stand-up is starting to take off. His twitter profile reads simply “comedian.” and he delivers. Hilarity over grammar, often. Chexamples:
- i hate when i give an old lady my seat on the train & then at the very next stop a sexier old lady gets on
- 2 broke girls, 1 cup #DepressingSitcoms
- i wanna be a rapper so i could charge people money to listen to me sing about how irresponsibly i spend their money.
Sara Schaefer – @saraschaefer1
Co-host of the widely acclaimed “You Had to Be There” and upcoming MTV talk show “The Nikki and Sara Show,” Sara’s tweets hit all categories, from politics to gender to family.
- Romney talks about foreign policy like me when I’m at a dinner party pretending that I read the book everyone is talking about
- LMFAOschwartz (for when something is super funny and also fills you with a childlike wonder)
- do you think Kanye lets Kim Kardashian finish?
And now for the up-and-comers:
Julieanne Smolinski – @boobsradley
Ubiquitous author Julieanne Smolinski writes for every site on the internet (except ours — what gives?) about the single life, jetsetting with Rihanna, bad TV, and what it’s like to be the funniest person in the universe (okay, she never acknowledges that one, but we certainly think so).
- “Hey, glue hair to my eyes. People will love it.” – women with fake eyelashes.
- I’d watch shows that unmask lying internet daters if anyone pretending to be a sexy man ever turned out to be a talking kitty with glasses.
- On a bad date? Just leave a carrot, pipe, and some ice water on your chair when he’s in the bathroom. The brush off… or Christmas miracle?
- I bet the best way to disguise your surveillance van is not to use van at all. Like, whoa, who’s in that hot air balloon? Probably not cops.
Chloe Lamb – @TheChloeLamb
The outspoken Chloe Lamb is hilariously vicious, and willing to back up her proclamations with research. Lamb sprinkles chuckle-worthy puns into her refreshing combination of smart and filthy humor.
- I had to ask myself why I drank myself into a stupor last night until I remembered that it’s none of my business.
- Today, I’m feeling as useless as the term “no offense”
- If you’ve spent money on anything Adam Sandler has made in the last 2 years, you have no right to complain about Honey Boo Boo.
- My favorite color is whiskey.
Like a lot of terrific comedians, Kelkulus is a Canadian. Unlike most people who move to Los Angeles, he’s funny. That’s about all we know about this prolific tweeter, other than he’s our new favorite follow.
- The hardest job in the world is maintaining self-control while manufacturing bubble wrap.
- Everyone’s tweeting about the Mayans like there’s no tomorrow.
- Nobody has 3 cats. You either have 1 or 2, but from there you leap directly to 17.
- Egyptians don’t walk like that.
Who’d we miss? Make your suggestions in the comments!