A Wittier Twitter: Follow these Funny People

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We feel Twitter would benefit from a horror movie aesthetic. (Image: Thinkstock)

We feel Twitter would benefit from a horror movie aesthetic. (Image: Thinkstock)

DogBadge Writers Hello I am Kyle Ayers. How is you?
Kyle Ayers is a comedian and writer living in New York City. He has...
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by Kyle Ayers & Brendan McGinley

Twitter is an overwhelming world of wannabes. B-listers and below run rampant, and it can be hard to find quality to add to your timeline. Comedians are no exception, and may in fact be the most flooded niche of all. Everyone is a comedian, venting their witty observations and relationship jokes at you at dozens-per-minute. We’e sifted through the mess, coming out on the other end with a few comics you need to check out, from all levels of the game.

Let’s start with the ones you might already know:

Megan Amram – @meganamram

screen shot 2012 11 20 at 2 19 21 pm A Wittier Twitter: Follow these Funny People

via Twitter

Harvard grad turned hipster-nightmare-comedian, Amram touts over 303,000 followers, including most famous comedians.

Sample Tweets:
  • At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose
  • There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house
  • WHY was Mario Kart not called “Mario Speedwagon

Rob Delaney – @robdelaney

screen shot 2012 11 20 at 2 19 34 pm A Wittier Twitter: Follow these Funny People

via Twitter

You probably already follow Rob Delaney. So he probably shouldn’t be on this list. He has launched his career through twitter, becoming one of the most read, retweeted, and influential voices on the web via his 140 character spews. Often brash and occasionally political.

Sample Tweets:
  • Guns don’t kill people. People who say “Guns don’t kill people” kill people. With guns.
  • I love gay people. Or as I sometimes call them, “people.
  • F***ing gonna kill myself over the Justin/Selena breakup. This is so f***ed. The world is a toilet at a state fair. God is dead. AIDS.

Jenny Johnson – @JennyJohnsonHi5

via Twitter

via Twitter

Often even more brief than 140 characters, Johnson is straight to the point and always hilarious, with a nice disdain for Kim Kardashian. A few great ones:

  • Most people don’t realize this, but you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
  • My dad has cancer. RT @kimkardashian: I hate when I get my tea perfectly sweetened then the waiter comes & fills it & ruins my whole flow!
  • I’d punch a baby for 8 hours of sleep.

Michael Che – @CheThinks

screen shot 2012 11 20 at 2 20 14 pm A Wittier Twitter: Follow these Funny People

via Twitter

Michael Che’s career in stand-up is starting to take off. His twitter profile reads simply “comedian.” and he delivers. Hilarity over grammar, often. Chexamples:

Sample Tweets:
  • i hate when i give an old lady my seat on the train & then at the very next stop a sexier old lady gets on
  • 2 broke girls, 1 cup #DepressingSitcoms
  • i wanna be a rapper so i could charge people money to listen to me sing about how irresponsibly i spend their money.

Sara Schaefer – @saraschaefer1

screen shot 2012 11 20 at 2 19 55 pm A Wittier Twitter: Follow these Funny People

via Twitter

Co-host of the widely acclaimed “You Had to Be There” and upcoming MTV talk show “The Nikki and Sara Show,” Sara’s tweets hit all categories, from politics to gender to family.

Sample Tweets:
  • Romney talks about foreign policy like me when I’m at a dinner party pretending that I read the book everyone is talking about
  • LMFAOschwartz (for when something is super funny and also fills you with a childlike wonder)
  • do you think Kanye lets Kim Kardashian finish?

And now for the up-and-comers:

Julieanne Smolinski – @boobsradley

via Twitter

via Twitter

Ubiquitous author Julieanne Smolinski writes for every site on the internet (except ours — what gives?) about the single life, jetsetting with Rihanna, bad TV, and what it’s like to be the funniest person in the universe (okay, she never acknowledges that one, but we certainly think so).

Sample Tweets:
  • “Hey, glue hair to my eyes. People will love it.” – women with fake eyelashes.
  • I’d watch shows that unmask lying internet daters if anyone pretending to be a sexy man ever turned out to be a talking kitty with glasses.
  • On a bad date? Just leave a carrot, pipe, and some ice water on your chair when he’s in the bathroom. The brush off… or Christmas miracle?
  • I bet the best way to disguise your surveillance van is not to use van at all. Like, whoa, who’s in that hot air balloon? Probably not cops.

Chloe Lamb – @TheChloeLamb

via Twitter

via Twitter

The outspoken Chloe Lamb is hilariously vicious, and willing to back up her proclamations with research. Lamb sprinkles chuckle-worthy puns into her refreshing combination of smart and filthy humor.

Sample Tweets:
  • I had to ask myself why I drank myself into a stupor last night until I remembered that it’s none of my business.
  • Today, I’m feeling as useless as the term “no offense”
  • If you’ve spent money on anything Adam Sandler has made in the last 2 years, you have no right to complain about Honey Boo Boo.
  • My favorite color is whiskey.

Kelkulus @kelkulus

via Twitter

via Twitter

Like a lot of terrific comedians, Kelkulus is a Canadian. Unlike most people who move to Los Angeles, he’s funny. That’s about all we know about this prolific tweeter, other than he’s our new favorite follow.

  • The hardest job in the world is maintaining self-control while manufacturing bubble wrap.
  • Everyone’s tweeting about the Mayans like there’s no tomorrow.
  • Nobody has 3 cats. You either have 1 or 2, but from there you leap directly to 17.
  • Egyptians don’t walk like that.

Who’d we miss? Make your suggestions in the comments!


America's Dad.

America’s Dad.

Kyle Ayers is a comedian or astronaut living in Brooklyn. he is a Master of Craigslist, and sometimes tells jokes / tweets

Wikipedia / Dept. of Justice

Hint: That ain’t his portrait for the nickel.

Brendan McGinley edits this here Man Cave Daily and tweets–oh my, the least funny things @brendanmcginley.

Kyle paid homage to his comedic hero Bill Cosby, recently, and also mocked Five Famous Fiscal Failures. Brendan is too busy begging half of these people to write for MCD to write much himself.

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