Asinine Analysis: NFL AFC/NFC Conference Championships

by Patrick Emmel

With one ugly throw, Peyton Manning cemented my Super Bowl matchup pick as wrong. Luckily, my playoff picks have evened out to 4-4, so I shall replace my AFC horse with a team that I have grown to love since I first cherished curb-stomping defenses and was finalized when I was the stadium Ravenswalk in person: the Baltimore Ravens.

We shall see if Joe Flacco can pull off another miracle throw and Ray Lewis explodes into confetti, as we enter the last steps on the road to Super Bowl XLVII with the AFC and NFC Championships.

So I’ll try to call it again: an All-Harbaugh Super Bowl that will have the police being called when the families get together for the holidays.

Sunday, January 20th, 2013


49ers falcons Asinine Analysis: NFL AFC/NFC Conference Championships

San Francisco 49ers @ Atlanta Falcons

49ers coach Jim Harbaugh proved me wrong, again, by not having a field goal formation that featured David Akers and Billy Cundiff kicking the ball at the same time. So maybe he’s not totally out of his mind, which he keeps on proving with the stellar play of Colin Kaepernick. The bicep kissing may be a little much, but Kaepernick is proving that run-and-gun quarterbacks are the wave of the future.

Meanwhile, the Falcons are proving that they won’t lay down in the playoffs like they have in past seasons after defeating the Seahawks in the final seconds of the game. Matty Ice truly proved that his nickname is fitting by leading his team down the field for the winning field goal.

The 49ers are favored on the road, and that’s good enough for me.

LINE: 49ers by 4

Pick: 49ers


ravens patriots Asinine Analysis: NFL AFC/NFC Conference Championships

Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots

If there is one thing that the digital talking heads in sports want to see most of all in these playoff games or the Super Bowl, it would be another star for Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. This isn’t a gold star based on another ring and MVP honors, mind you. The general consensus is that we need more Sad Tom Brady memes. Last year we clearly didn’t get enough, just a couple of sad faces and his super-model wife Gisele Bundchen screaming about how the rest of the team let her husband down.

The Ravens camp, meanwhile, is ready for the release of millions of celebratory Ray Lewis dance memes. Even now, my GIF creator is planning on splicing Lewis’ Dancing with the Stars routine with another, more prolific, dance reference.

Apropos of nothing, here's a generic football player.

Apropos of nothing, here’s a generic football player.

I probably shouldn’t count my chickens before they hatch (*hint hint*) because both teams have overcome major injury issues and personnel scrutiny to get this this far. Unfortunately, there is no way to play a Super Bowl game with 3 or 4 teams at the same time.

LINE:  Patriots by 9

Pick: Ravens



tebow doug pensingergetty images Asinine Analysis: NFL AFC/NFC Conference Championships

Doug Pensinger/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Patrick Emmel is a self-proclaimed sports analyst that aspires to become the next Jim Rome, but hasn’t had the chance to refer to a football player by the name of a female tennis player. You can see more of his work at or heckle him on Twitter @Patrick_AE.

mcfaddens Asinine Analysis: NFL AFC/NFC Conference Championships

Like McFadden’s, home of displaced Bills fans.

Patrick previously used his football knowledge to break down the best, worst and downright horrible draft picks in NFL history. –>

He also entered an epic crusade to find a bar for each and every NFL team in New York City to show how unbiased he is.

More from The Man Behind Patrick Emmel

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