Is Yoga Manly? Kevin “Dot Com” Brown Tests It for Us
When we heard yoga could help us have better sex, we were of course intrigued, but couldn’t believe it–at long last, we were going to have sex? Then it was explained that yoga helps you get in shape for the act itself with looser joints, stronger muscles, a smaller belly, and bigger lungs. That’s well and good, but to do that we would have to leave our desk.
An urgent meeting of the Man Cave Cave Men was called, and we decided to send a champion in our stead. The fact is we’re not very manly. But you know who is? Our buddy Kevin Brown, whom you may know from 30 Rock as Dot Com, and one of the nicest dudes on the planet. Kevin’s been doing yoga for some time now, so maybe he could brave the elements to get limber and also meet some highly motivated women in yoga pants for his troubles.
But lo, he would have to pass a challenge! The gateway to good shape was guarded by fitness guru, yoga therapist, poet (and perhaps best of all, redhead) Barbara Purcell. She would make sure that only the worthy could enter the land of the limber by preparing them for their hero’s journey.
our Kevin’s quest began. This was no hippie muckety muck. This was yoga for men, with noble men’s goals of getting in shape and then using that shape to not die young, for that would put a serious crimp in our plans to drink beer and finally have sex. To make sure we didn’t strain ourselves watching them, we asked Barbara to confirm we weren’t exerting ourselves…
MCD: Alrighty, Barbara, you recommend yoga for health and fitness, and those are all fine for people who expect to live past 40. But tell us about this better sex thing. Is it simply more flexibility? Better lung power? Or are there other effects as well? Say, mental improvement? Basically, we’re asking if you can teach us enough spiritual balance to last longer than 84 seconds. (we counted!)
Yoga is a pretty awesome way to stay strong, get centered, work on that cute yoga butt of yours–and yes, have better sex. In my opinion there are three B’s that heighten the Big O: Breathing, Bandhas, and Baddha Konasana. But you don’t need to know Sanskrit to get sexy… you just need to understand the techniques behind the words.
Breath, first and foremost, is the key to yoga. More so than touching your toes, standing on your head, or wrapping your ankles behind your neck, breathing well oxygenates the blood, stimulates many glands (think yummy Oxytocin hormone production), induces a “relaxation response” within the body’s nervous system, and helps us to harness our energy. It is the ultimate tool in clearing the mind and opening up the body to our yoga practice. Once space is created in both the body and mind, we can move on to finding the true strength of our physical practice.
Bandha, which is Sanskit for “lock” is a muscle contraction that helps to create deeper control of our physical capacity. We have three Bandhas (the throat, abdominal area, and PC muscle). The last bandha, known as mula bandha (“root lock”) is the main focus for improving duration, sensation, and intensity of an orgasm. Though mula bandha is often likened to Kegel exercises for women, men can also learn to strengthen their pericoccygeal (PC) muscle through deep contraction that leads to potentially stronger (and longer) orgasms. Though the bandhas are frequently used throughout a more advanced yoga practice, mula bandha is especially helpful in stimulating and strengthening the sex glands during intercourse (ladies are better able to put their partner in rather sexy death grip, while men are able to stave off their big moment by squeezing their PC muscle with equal fervor).
The last key to the Big O is Baddha Konasasna (Sanskrit for “cobblers’ pose”) or any hip-opening posture that helps to improve blood flow to our prime real estate while loosening up the hip joints for more pliant and creative sex positions. It can be your own version of Cirque du Soleil, really. Combine these three techniques…and get ready for a new kind of nirvana.
MCD: What’s the sexiest yoga pose?
I’d say the sexiest yoga poses are the flexiest yoga poses–they often require the most strength, pliancy, and concentration. But much like Seinfeld’s repulsion when his naked gal pal opened a jar of pickles in front of him, full body flexion might be a tad much for some.
MCD: What about the sexiest yoga position name? Does it live up to its title?
Personally, I’m a big fan of Supta Baddha Konasana, or “Supine Goddess Pose.” I mean, the name itself makes me just want to roll out a yoga mat and get all supine. Plus, it’s fun to put dudes in this pose and encourage them to tap into their inner goddess energy. It basically entails lying on your back with the soles of your feet together and knees splaying out to either side. It’s a variation of Baddha Konasana, which means it’s also a powerful hip-opener…
MCD: We’re busy guys. Is it possible to get one’s yoga workout done while having sex?
I wouldn’t recommend doing headstands when having sex (unless she doesn’t mind holding you up by your ankles), but certain aspects of yoga can most certainly be incorporated. Trying to connect with your partner with slower, synchronized breathing can really help her to relax enough to have an orgasm (it’s no secret women struggle with consistently achieving this during sex) while pacing your own Cape Canaveral rocket launch. And don’t forget about that mula bandha! It can be fun to practice that one even on your own…
MCD: What are some reasons guys don’t want to do yoga? After all, it’s a room full of fit, sweating women in tight pants. What’s discouraging us?
More often than not, I encounter men who are deeply preoccupied with not being able to touch their toes–and these are guys who are otherwise running the world. Intimidation seems to win out over enlightenment. That, and guys seem to feel that yoga isn’t manly enough…but, let me ask you this: Why do people rob banks? Because that’s where the money is! Fellas–get thee to a yoga class. You’re missing out an a very eligible, sweaty, sexy pool of applicants. And you’re going to get the workout of your life, trust me. Three months of twice weekly yoga, and you will see and feel some pretty incredible results.
MCD: When you and Kevin showed up for the shoot, you were supposed to boss around a guy twice your size. Instead you two hit it off right away. Do mean yoga instructors exist? Who’s the R. Lee Ermey of wellness?
Kevin was one lucky yogi to have gotten on my good side that day…I had every intention of giving him an S & Om session complete with down-dogs, discipline, and domination. What better way to scare a guy into finally being able to touch his toes? As for mean yoga instructors, I have yet to come across a Cruella de Vil type. For the most part, yoga teachers tend to be good people who believe in the power of the practice and want to impart those tools to as many folks as possible. But I’ve heard some funny stories along the way about diva-like behavior with instructors, which is pretty funny considering yoga is largely about trying to check your ego at the door. So maybe the more relevant question is who’s the Mariah Carey of yoga?
Keep reading part 2, when we learn the moves Barbara taught Tyra Banks to be a better lover, and Kevin imparts his workout wisdom!