10 Weird Questions with the LA Kings’ Dustin Penner

by Rob Fee

With the NHL Playoffs underway I thought it would be a good time to check in with my pal Dustin Penner as his L.A. Kings try to repeat their Stanley Cup championship run from last season.

1. Who are some of the coolest people you’ve gotten to meet since joining the NHL?

The President, other famous athletes, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and YOUR MOM!

2. Say I wanted to become a professional hockey player, what advice would you give me? Also note, I don’t know how to skate.

I would start by rethinking what you want in life beginning with your health and whether or not that’s important to you. Then if I were you I would probably get a membership at Gold’s Gym in Venice beach.

3. Has your coach ever yelled at you like Superintendent Chalmers on The Simpsons but instead of saying “Skinnerrr!!!” he says “Pennerrrr!” because if not that’s brilliant.

No, dammit! That’s perfect. I’ll try and feed it into his subconscious immediately.

4. You always grow a very illustrious playoff bear. Can you describe its texture and smell?

I didn’t know I was able to grow bears but I imagine they smell musky and like hot garbage.

*Thanks to Dustin for being a jerk and pointing out my typo. Clearly I was referring to his playoff beard but for the integrity of the interview we’ll stick with bear.

5. Which do you think is a bigger accomplishment, winning two Stanley Cups or being Photoshopped onto the cover of Dan in Real Life with your head resting on a stack of pancakes?


If we had to choose between two Stanley Cups and being Photoshopped, we’d take dating models.

It’s close but I’ll say two Stanley Cups. Once I get Photoshopped by you I’ll know I’ve “made it.”

6. If you could be on the Kiss Cam with anyone in the world, who would it be?

A life sized sour patch WOMAN. Not a kid.

7. Name your five favorite movies of all time, even if they’re terrible.

  • Contact
  • Gladiator
  • Big Lebowski
  • Iron Eagle
  • Goodfellas
  • Pulp Fiction
  • Up
  • Braveheart
  • Top Gun
  • Wedding Crashers
  • Saved by the Bell “Hawaiian Wedding”
  • Iron Man
  • The Avengers
  • Crash
  • Old School
  • Anchorman
  • and many more!

*Even though the question asked for five, we’ll allow the 17 answers given

8. After you retire from hockey what would you like to do next? Open a bakery? Start a mobile pet shop?

Your job looks easy, I’d probably do that.

9. Are there any reality shows that you secretly watch? You can be honest.

Any of the Real Housewives shows and South Beach Tow.

10. What is your favorite thing about me?

The time we spend apart.

But is the magic gone?

But is the magic gone?

Rob Fee is a writer and comedian best known for writing and telling jokes. You can follow him onTwitter @RobFee to read more of these jokes or go to Del Taco. He’s probably there.

This photo is clearly touched up--where's all the bacon?

This photo is clearly touched up–where’s all the bacon?

Rob figured out The Ten Biggest Steals in NFL Draft History once he’d recovered from the night he partied with Epic Meal Time.

More from Rob Fee

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