I recently got the opportunity to chat with model Melissa Stetten, who you may have recently seen in Lincoln’s new MKZ commercial dramatically looking out the window of the car, as we discussed Derek Jeter, The Humpty Dance, and Detroit raves.
1. You model; what is that like? Also, do you think I also could have a career in modeling?
Modeling is exactly like that movie Mannequin. I stand in a window display all day, and then at night I come to life and ride a motorcycle with Andrew McCarthy.
You could TOTALLY be a hand model, like George Costanza.
2. Did you go to your senior prom? What was that like, because mine was terrible?
I actually did not go to my prom. None of the guys asked me because I was taller than them and my face was covered in zits. I went to a rave in Detroit the weekend of my prom, so I was busy being really cool anyway.
3. I know you’re a secret baseball fan, any other sports you enjoy or favorite teams?
Sports! I love sports! I played softball for ten years and I just joined a weekly softball game. I play second base. I also like croquet and badminton. I love watching the Yankees. Derek Jeter is from Kalamazoo, too. We’re like BFFs (never met him).
4. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on in your life?
I was walking down the Venice beach boardwalk like six years ago with a guy I had a huge crush on, and some weirdo ran up to me with a camera and started taking photos of my feet. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he said, “I’m doing research for my website and you have really interesting feet.” It was embarrassing. Then my date took me back to his apartment and we had awful sex and he took a shower IMMEDIATELY after. I was so depressed I almost moved back to Michigan after that weekend.
5. When creepy guys comment on your Instagram with things like “breathtaking” or “beautiful” do you immediately want to date them? They seem like really great guys, right?
What’s funny is I DO date them! Every single one of them. I have like 500 boyfriends that I met on the internet. Half of them still live in their mom’s basement.
6. What are your five favorite movies of all time, and you’re not allowed to to pick any movie from the Look Who’s Talking franchise?
- Sedmikrasky (Daisies) – it’s a ’60s Czech movie about two bat$#!+ crazy chicks pulling pranks on people
- Breathless (Godard, not the Richard Gere one)
7. Do you have any idea what the Dow Jones is because I don’t? I’m not asking what it’s at for the day, I honestly don’t know what it is. Is it a man?
Yes, Dow Jones is the nephew of Tommy Lee Jones.
8. What is your go-to karaoke song and also what song would you like me to sing at your wedding?
The Humpty Dance. One time I sang it at a bar in Mariposa with 7 hillbillies staring at me. I blew their minds.
Can you sing “Straight Outta Compton” at my wedding?
9. A good friend of mine said she dislikes Prince. Is that reason enough to cut off a friendship?
Anyone who dislikes Prince is a total MONSTER. Also my favorite Chappelle’s Show sketch is where Charlie Murphy plays basketball with Prince and they eat pancakes.
10. What’s your favorite thing about me?
Well one of my favorite tweets of all time is from you: I bet OJ Simpson’s friends were really confused when his answer to F/Marry/Kill was “Yes.” HAHA cuz he’s a murderer!