The Basketball Movie Mock Draft

With the NBA Draft right around the corner, now’s the time when scouts and experts have a field day predicting which teams should snatch up which players. The Cavs need defense, The Wizards need a big man, The Lakers need a new Kobe, blah blah blah… All around the league, teams are using this draft to fill whatever voids they can. Realistically, though, very few players from this pool of talent will actually have a serious impact in the league.

Unfortunately, this year’s crop of young’uns isn’t the most talented group. Compared to draft years like 1984 (Michael Jordan, Akeem Olajuwon, Charles Barkley, John Stockton, etc.), 1996 (Allen Iverson, Kobe Bryant, Ray Allen, Steve Nash, etc.), and 2003 (LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, etc.), this year’s list lacks the same star power. Perhaps it’s because teams aren’t looking in the right places. Teams across the league are constantly sending scouts to college compuses and gyms in Serbia, when the real talent is right under their noses: movie characters!

Movies have provided us with some of the most incredible fictional players imaginable. Impossible plays and mind-blowing talent are nothing more than commonplace when it comes to roundball on the silver-screen. Players are capable of doing things only our imaginations could concoct, and one thing is for sure; it’s always entertaining. Here is the Movie Mock Draft!

(Rules: No real players can be drafted. All players must be fictional. Players from movies like “Glory Road” and “Coach Carter” are exempt from the pool, since they are true stories. Unfortunately, Michael Jordan is also exempt because he plays himself in the movie Space Jam. I repeat; ALL CHARACTERS MUST BE A WORK OF FICTION.)

Click on to read the first pick…

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

1. Cleveland Cavaliers • Neon Bordeaux • C • 7’4″ • 22 • Western • Blue Chips • Shaquille O’Neal

Cover of "Blue Chips"

credit: Paramount Pictures

It’s a tried and true strategy; always go with the big guy. Although it has backfired in the past (Oden over Durant, Bowie over Jordan), it’s worked more often than not (Patrick Ewing, David Robinson, Shaquille O’Neal, Dwight Howard, etc.). Bordeaux has the once-in-a-generation combination of size, skill, power, and athleticism that you just can’t pass up. He has the potential to come in and dominate right from the get-go, the same way he did in his one and only season at Western. An under-recruited and somewhat unknown phenom, Bordeaux came in to Western and put up insane number in points, rebounds, and blocks, all while shooting a remarkably high field goal percentage. His only blaring weakness is his struggles from the free throw line.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

2. Orlando Magic • Scott Howard • PG/SF • 5’7″ • 17 • Beacon Hills High School • Teen Wolf • LeBron James

Teen Wolf

credit: MGM

The Magic could use some help in practically every category, therefore why not draft a guy capable of doing it all? Howard, known by his legions of fans as “The Teen Wolf,” has been known to completely take over games for stretches of time. He’s capable of doing practically anything Coach Jacque Vaughn will ask from him. Howard is a stat-sheet-stuffer who will surely come in and contribute for the Magic right away. Although Howard shows no major weaknesses, some scouts are concerned about the fact that he is, in fact, a wolf-boy.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

3. Washington Wizards • Saleh • PF/C 6’9″ • Unnamed Location, Africa • The Air Up There • Emeka Okafor

Also, he's coached by Kevin Bacon, who's immortal and therefore has lots of wisdom to share.

Also, he’s coached by Kevin Bacon, who’s immortal and therefore has lots of wisdom to share.

The Wizards take a gamble here, drafting the big African of whom little is really known. It may have been a bit of a reach for Saleh, but the Wizards already have a young backcourt of John Wall and Bradley Beal. Therefore, drafting a big man with “league-leader in blocks” written all over him may not have been the most foolish choice. Saleh is still a work in progress, but he should be able to control the paint on the defensive end, allowing Wall and Beal run circles around opponents on the offensive end.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

4. Charlotte Bobcats • Jesus Shuttlesworth • SG • 6’5″ • 20 • Big State • He Got Game • Kobe Bryant

Do not pray for mercy. You will find none on this court.

Do not pray for mercy. You will find none on this court.

It’s no secret that The Bobcats need some help. After using the #2 overall pick in last year’s draft on Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, a solid all-around performer, The ‘Cats are in desperate need of a go-to guy. They have some solid young players, but this ship has no captain. They need someone that the other 12 players can follow. This year, they get their saviour. Jesus Shuttlesworth is a high-volume scorer who will come in a instantly put up points in bunches. It wouldn’t surprise anyone if he not only led his team in scoring, but also lead all rookies in scoring. Heck, he may even compete for the whole league’s scoring crown. It’s rumored that Shuttlesworth’s father, Jake, will be offered an executive role in the franchise as well.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

5. Phoenix Suns • Jimmy Chitwood • SG • 6’3″ • 18 • Hickory High • Hoosiers • JJ Redick

You can't play without shoes, son.

You can’t play without your shoes, son.

The Suns are currently a mess of a franchise. Their roster is all over the place and is full of head-cases and underachievers. They need a guy who will come in with a positive attitude, willing to give 110% every single time he’s on the court. Following his impressive state championship run, the Suns are hoping that Jimmy Chitwood is that guy. Armed with a silky smooth jumper and hustle that would make Reggie Evans blush, Chitwood is a great addition to any roster. (Note: Jimmy Chitwood is based on a real person, Bobby Plump, but the character is still considered a work of fiction.)

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

6. New Orleans Pelicans • Calvin Cambridge • PG • 4’8″ • 12 • Orphanage • Like Mike • Allen Iverson

Cover of "Like Mike"

Twentieth Century Fox

After drafting big man Anthony Davis with the first overall pick last year, the new-look Pelicans are seeking to build on their young nucleus. Calvin Cambridge, although still very young, has shown the capability of putting up huge numbers, even against top competition. If Eric Gordon can manage to stay healthy and stay on the court, the Pelicans are beginning to assemble quite the roster of young talent. Some of Cambridge’s weaknesses include maturity concerns, selfish play, and no parents.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

7. Sacramento Kings • Kyle Lee Watson • PG • 6’1″ • 19 • Georgetown • Above The Rim • Kenny Anderson

A study found that 100% of successful shots originate above the rim.

A study found that 100% of successful shots originate above the rim.

Watson is an old-school, New York City-style point guard. Don’t be fooled and think it’s all flash, because you’ll get burned. There is substance to Watson’s game as well, and a lot of it. It’s no fluke that he ended up as Georgetown’s starting point guard, leading the team in scoring, assists, and steals, all in his freshman year. He should help herd together a Sacramento roster that is not lacking on talent, but rather on direction. Kyle’s old friend, Shep, was in attendance with him on draft night, wearing the same corduroy pants he won their now-famous streetball tournament in.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

8. Detroit Pistons • Ricky Roe • SF/PF • 6’10” • 20 • Western • Blue Chips • Danillo Galinari

The Pistons nab Roe at the eighth pick and fill a couple of needs. First off, the most obvious is Roe’s size. At 6’10, he can play either forward position for Detroit. His shooting touch and tendency to stay beyond the three point line on offense lead many to believe he is more of a small forward. Don’t let his shooting prowess fool you into thinking he’s soft, though, because Roe can bang down low with the best of them. It’s rare the find the blend of toughness and grace that Ricky Roe owns. Ricky is concerned, however, about finding ample space to drive his brand new tractor in Detroit.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

9. Minnesota Timberwolves • Sidney Dean • SG • 5’11” • 32 • Los Angeles • White Men Can’t Jump • James Harden

Cover of "White Men Can't Jump"

Twentieth Century Fox

The T-Wolves took a flyer last season on Brandon Roy and it didn’t really pan out. They desperately need to surround Kevin Love with some talent otherwise he’ll bolt as soon as he can. With Ricky Rubio distributing the ball and Kevin Love grabbing everything that comes off the glass, Sidney Dean is a perfect fit to fill the shooting guard position. Dean is capable of scoring in bunches, either by attacking the rim or with his solid outside jumper. Some scouts are worried that Dean may come in and try to do too much and that his attitude could play a negative role. It’s definitely a risky pick by Minni, but sometimes you need to take a risk to be successful.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

10. Portland Trailblazers • Clarence “Coffee” Black • PG/SG • 6’2″ • 22 • Flint Tropics • Semi-Pro • Monta Ellis

Portland nabs “Coffee” Black with the 10th pick to pair alongside Damien Lillard, last year’s Rookie Of The Year, to form a high-octane, young backcourt that can practically score at will. If Black can be anything like last year’s rookie guard, then The Blazers should be expecting a ton of production from their speedy young guys.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

11. Philadelphia 76ers • Kenny Tyler • SG/PG • 6’2″ • 21 • Washington • The 6th Man • Steph Curry

The 6th Man

Buena Vista Pictures

Ever since the untimely passing of his brother, Antoine, Kenny Tyler has found new focus on the basketball court. His ability to make impossible-looking baskets is other-worldly. After a successful cinderella run in the NCAA tournament, Tyler plans on taking his luck to Philly to help the Sixers get back to the playoffs. If Andrew Bynum can stay healthy, Philly’s crowd will undoubtably be back to their rowdy ways of being one of the league’s best sixth men.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

12. Oklahoma City Thunder • Billy Hoyle • PG • 6’1″ • 29 • Los Angeles • White Men Can’t Jump • Jason Kidd

After a disappointingly early playoff exit by the Thunder, due in part to a season-ending injury to All-Star guard Russell Westbrook, it’s clear this roster needs a bit of help. The Thunder can use a pure point guard who can distribute the ball and run an offense, and that is exactly what they are getting with Billy Hoyle. Although he has a history of being flashy and stubborn, Hoyle should ease the tension between Westbrook and Durant, who seem to both need the ball to be effective, and help get everyone involved. His one blaring weakness is dunking.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

13. Dallas Mavericks • Butch McCrae • PG • 6’7″ • 20 • Western • Blue Chips • Kyrie Irving

Dallas gets lucky, as Butch McCrae slips to them all the way at pick #13. McCrae has the size, strength and athleticism of a small forward, yet the court vision and decision-making prowess of a top point guard. He should get some major minutes right away for The Mavs, who are depleted at the point guard position. Issues regarding homesickness and his mother’s influence have some coaches worried.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

14. Utah Jazz • Moses “The Fish” Guthrie • SF • 6’7″ • 29 • Pittsburgh • The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh • Josh Smith

The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh

The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Moses Guthrie will bring his high-flying show to Salt Lake City, where the Jazz could use a little excitement. Guthrie, a solid scorer, rebounder and defender, is best known for his jaw-dropping arial acrobatics. At least once a game he does something that makes you question the limits of possibility. He may not be the most polished player, but kids in Utah will definitely have enough posters to hang on their walls come next season.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

15. Milwaukee Bucks • Stacey Patton • SF/SG • 6’7″ • 24 • New York • Eddie • Michael Beasley

There are two things you cannot deny when it comes to Stacey Patton. First of all, he’s an incredibly gifted player, capable of scoring at will and easily averaging 20+ points per game in the pros. Second of all, he’s a complete maniac who is completely un-coachable and destroys a locker room. Seeing as how Milwaukee already has two franchise guys who fit similar descriptions, Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis, this could either be a disaster or it could be so crazy it works.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

16. Boston Celtics • Quincy McCall • PG • 6’0″ • 21 • USC • Love & Basketball • Mike Conley

Love & Basketball

Love & Basketball (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Boston takes McCall as an insurance policy to Rajon Rondo, who missed almost all of last season due to injury. Doc Rivers, whose son, Austin, plays for New Orleans, likes McCall’s basketball bloodline (his father played shooting guard for the Los Angeles Clippers). Barring any career-ending injuries, which is incredibly unlikely, McCall should be a serviceable back-up for the Celtics.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

17. Atlanta Hawks • Shorty Doowop • PG • 5’10” • 18 • Sunset Park High School • Sunset Park • Brandon Jennings

Atlanta is in dire need of some scoring power from the backcourt, and that is what Doowop can provide. Shorty is a hit-or-miss prospect who can be the best player on the court at any given moment or the most detrimental to a team. It really all depends on the coaching and how he is being utilized. Many scouts are worried he won’t fit in well in Atlanta’s system and that he’ll clash with new coach Mike Budenholzer. Atlanta should have considered hiring Rhea Perlman.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

18. Atlanta Hawks • Juwanna Mann • SF/SG • 6’4″ • 24 • LA Banshees • Juwanna Mann • OJ Mayo

Cover of "Juwanna Mann"

Cover of Juwanna Mann

With their second of back-to-back picks, the Hawks take Juwanna Mann, the highly criticized transvestite player from LA. She dominated at the previous level, but scouts are worried about what Mann’s production will be like in the NBA.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

19. Cleveland Cavaliers • Desmond Rhodes • SF • 6’9″ • 19 • St. John’s • The Perfect Score • Andre Iguadala

Plus he's Captain America, so we believe he has untapped potential.

Plus he’s Captain America, so we believe he has untapped potential.

Rhodes looks to put an annoying SAT-related scandal behind him and focus on contributing for The Cavs. Since the team is lacking in the small forward department, Rhodes should be able to come in and get some burn almost immediately. His offense is still coming along slowly, but his intangibles, like his length and vertical leap, are what have scouts drooling over him. His basketball IQ leaves little to be desired, though.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

20. Chicago Bulls • Lewis Scott • PG • 6’2″ • 25 • Utah • Celtic Pride • Russell Westbrook

Celtic Pride

Celtic Pride (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Scott, the last player remaining in the green room at the draft, was expecting to go much higher. It’s undeniable that he has the skill of a top 10, if not top 5, prospect. What kept teams from selecting him was his attitude, which has been a problem for quite some time. Scott shows little confidence in teammates and has even less interest in passing to them, and he refuses to listen or cooperate with coaches. Chicago takes a flyer on him as an insurance policy to the injured Derrick Rose, who has spent the last year rehabbing a knee injury.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

21. Utah Jazz • Jamal Wallace • SG • 5’10” • 16 • New York • Finding Forrester • Iman Shumpert

Wallace is definitely a project pick. He isn’t ready to play in the NBA yet, but Utah is smart for picking him. They’ll probably stash him in the development league for a couple of seasons until he becomes more polished and he’s ready to play on the main stage. One thing that scouts love about Wallace, is that he’s an incredibly fast learner. He may be playing for The Jazz before expected.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

22. Brooklyn Nets • Butter • PF • 6’9″ • 19 • Sunset Park High School • Sunset Park • Zach Randolph

Cover of "Sunset Park"

Cover of Sunset Park

Butter’s game is still raw, and attitude problems have caused a couple red flags on his scouting report. However, he is also one of the most dominant low-post scorers in this draft. He’s a gifted scorer in the post with a soft touch around the net; things that are hard to teach and players usually either have it or they don’t. Butter has is. He could use some maturing, as well as some conditioning, but is an old school power forward who should fit right into the NBA style of game. Plus what kind of fan wouldn’t wear a “Butter” jersey?

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

23. Indiana Pacers • Tracey “T-Time” Reynolds • SG • 6’4″ • 29 • LA Knights • Like Mike • Eric Gordon

The Pacers add Reynolds to their ever-growing list of outside scoring threats. “T-Time,” as he’s known, can be a team leader and go-to guy, but he’s also learnt to take a back seat and be an effective role player. With a crowded Indiana lineup, he may have some trouble fighting for minutes.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

24. New York Knicks • Ed Monix • PG • 5’11” • 40 • Flint Tropics • Semi-Pro • Andre Miller

Semi-Pro

Semi-Pro (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

With the recent retirement of Jason Kidd, The Knicks nab Monix to fill the void. Ed is a wily veteran who has more than a couple of tricks left up his sleeve. He’s been around the block, he knows how to win, and he is a proven positive locker-room presence. It’s unlikely that he’ll get many minutes for New York, but he will contribute in other ways off the court. The Knicks didn’t have to give up much, either. They traded their broken washing machine to Dallas for the pick.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

25. Los Angeles Clippers • Nate Wilson • PF • 6’11” • 36 • New York • Eddie • Pau Gasol

Wilson may be past his prime, but he can absolutely still contribute. Luckily, playing behind Blake Griffin, he won’t be asked to do too much. He brings years of experience and a savy passing game from the post position. Wilson acts almost as a coach to his teammates, which should be valuable for The Clippers, who’s coaching staff is certainly not the strongest.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

26. Minnesota Timberwolves • Spaceman • PF/SF • 6’5″ • 19 • Sunset Park High School • Sunset Park • Reggie Evans

He may not be the most skilled player, but Spaceman makes up for that with his effort. You’d be hard-pressed to find another player who tries as hard as Spaceman does. His rebounding and hustling ability should land him some minutes in Minnesota, where that sort of effort should be greatly appreciated. There are concerns that the league’s anti-drug policy may be an issue.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

27. Denver Nuggets • Chick Deagan • SF • 6’7″ • 22 • Tech U • He Got Game • Caron Butler

After three solid seasons in college, where he led his Tech U team in scoring, rebounding, three pointers, and free throw percentage in his final season, Deagan decided to forego his final campaign and, instead, test his skills in the pros. Rumors surround Deagan, as his name has been attached to a recent recruiting scandal.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

28. San Antonio Spurs • Ivan Radovadovitch • C • 7’1″ • 24 • New York • Eddie • Omer Asik

The Spurs usually know what they’re doing. They often have a knack for finding obscure talent, often over-seas, and molding them into quality basketball players. With Ivan, The Spurs will need to do a whole lot of molding. He is still learning the basic concepts of basketball like “make basket” and “take charge.”

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

29. Oklahoma City Thunder • Buddy • SG • 2’7″ • 3 • Washington State • Air Bud • Manu Ginobili

Air Bud

Air Bud (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Thunder make quite a controversial pick, taking Buddy with the second-to-last pick of the draft. There is no question about Buddy’s skill on the court, but league rules against may not allow him to ever actually step his paws on an NBA court. The pick is currently being reviewed by the league committee as to whether or not a dog can be part of a team’s active roster. Should the decision come back in The Thunder’s favor, then they just may have nabbed the biggest sleeper pick of the draft.

Pick • Team • Player Name • Position • Height • Age • School/Origin • Movie • NBA Comparison

30. Phoenix Suns • Jackie Moon • PF • 6’6″ • 33 • Flint Tropics • Semi-Pro • Brian Scalabrine

Cover of "Semi-Pro"

Cover of Semi-Pro

Earlier last season, The Suns ran a “money-back guarantee” promotion for a game against The Dallas Mavericks. The idea was; if you bought a ticket to the game and didn’t leave feeling fully entertained, they would refund your ticket. It’s obvious that The Suns will do practically anything to get some butts in the seats. Jackie Moon, who may not contribute much on the court, will absolutely contribute with filling up the arena.


Probably best known for stuffing his face on YouTube, Tyler also knows how to write while he chews. His favorite things include basketball, football, rap musicicon1 The Basketball Movie Mock Draft, cheeseburgers and bacon cheeseburgers. Follow him on practically all social medias @tlemco.

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