Christine Lakin isn’t judging you. But she is judging the contestants who hope to take over YouTube in this summer’s second season of Internet Icon, alongside Ryan Higa and Timothy DeLaGhetto, as they try to find the viral star with the biggest “It” factor. So while they should fear her scrutiny, you’re safe…even if you’re a terrible date.
Back in April we spoke with her about her fake reality series, Lovin’ Lakin, and whether she really gets mistaken for Small Wonder‘s Tiffany Brissette. Now with the second season of Internet Icon coming to a head, it’s the perfect time for her to tell us what it’s like being accosted in Thailand, hotboxing before filming a PSA, and how to deal with a first date’s surprise foot fetish.
1) What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen?
I can show you one! Hold on—
[She disappears, and dashes back from the kitchen holding an ostrich egg.]
I went to an ostrich farm this weekend, and they gave us eggs!
Are you going to make brunch this weekend?
I did! I drilled a hole in it and I shook all the egg out of it, which looked like I was giving some weird alien birth. It made quiche for like 12 people. Crazy! I think I’m going to make a lamp out of it.
…I saw some very interesting stuff in Thailand. At one point we were trying to barter with a guy for some souvenirs. And he was getting more and more annoyed, and finally he said to us, “What do you think this is? I am not a joking Santa!” It took me a moment, but then I burst out laughing: he “wasn’t giving away s*** for free.”
But that’s what they say to do! You walk around and you barter for copyright-violated souvenirs. And you buy beers on the streets, you ride in tuk-tuks and nearly get killed, and you get foot massages at 2 a.m.
I did see a drag show. They are beautiful. We’re talking implants, the whole thing. And afterwards, they’re like, “C’mere! Come here!” So you go up and take a few pictures, and then they start getting really, really aggressive for you to give them money because you’re taking pictures with them. I had to throw them money and run. I thought we were just having a good time, but no.
2) What person (living or dead) would you duel, and what’s your choice of weapon?
…Tiffany Brissette. And I’d probably say a Super Soaker. Why not? Although there have been some pretty funny rumors on Twitter between myself and Danielle Fishel about a massive pillowfight.
Well, we’d be happy to coordinate it.
[laughs] I’m sure.
3) What’s the last dream you remember? What do you think it meant?
Two nights ago I had a dream – I’d like to say that it was a nightmare – I dreamt that I was really good friends with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. It was awful. I was really confused when I woke up. I was really hot when I woke up too, so I think that I was too warm, and that’s why I was dreaming these awful things.
I was at their mansion, delivering a tripod and equipment They were in the back room on the phone when I came in. I said, “Hi guys, sorry to interrupt,” and they were like “Ah! You’re hilarious!” I was like, “Aw, thanks guys.” They were doing a psychic network. Why am I friends with them? WHY?
I don’t know what that means, but I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like it myself when I woke up.
4) What job would you be terrible at, and why?
I would likely be a terrible flight attendant. Terrible. I’m short — 5’1″ so when I travel I can’t even get my own bag up above the seats. I’m standing there looking at all the men behind me. I also don’t look good in a French twist.
The moment there’d be turbulence I’d have to sit down and have a cocktail. I don’t think you get to do that on the job. That’s pretty much all I like to do on flights.
But you do performance comedy, where you are required to drink on the job.
I’m in the right profession!