Super Geeky Fantasy Football: NFL Defense Made Of WWE Wrestlers

by Chuck Carroll
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Wrestlers (and fantasy NFL draftees) Triple H and John Cena. (credit: Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

Wrestlers (and fantasy NFL draftees) Triple H and John Cena. (credit: Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

It has already been established that Vince McMahon would be the head coach of an NFL team made up entirely of WWE wrestlers. That position was awarded to the WWE chairman by Adam Carriker of the Washington Redskins who has taken “fantasy football” to another level.

Two weeks ago the defensive end unveiled his offensive unit which consisted of quarterback C.M. Punk, wide receivers Kofi Kingston and Daniel Bryan, and running back Rey “The Masked Barry Sanders” Mysterio among others.

On Monday, Carriker released the other half of his roster after carefully considering the attributes for each player/wrestler that would make them an optimal choice for his 3-4 defensive scheme.

But what is a defense without a coordinator?

That distinction goes to Paul Heyman. And it’s probably a good thing he’s on the opposite side of the ball as Punk at the moment.

Here is Carriker’s defensive roster, beginning with the line which he is particularly proud of and refers to as “sick.”

Video: Carriker Talks WWE/NFL Defensive Roster

Right Defensive End – The Rock

Rock actually played defensive tackle in a 4-3 defense at the University of Miami, but his lean and powerful physique make him a good fit at right end in a 3-4.

Nose Guard – Ryback

This guy is 295 pounds and just rock solid. He’ll be able to get the job done.

Left Defensive End – Brock Lesnar

The “beast” of the defensive line because that’s where teams like to run.

Outside Linebacker – Triple H

Viewed as the Clay Matthews of the WWE, but Triple H may need to grow his out again to be as effective as of an outside pass rusher his Packers counterpart.

Inside Linebacker – John Cena

The absolute captain and leader of the defense much like London Fletcher.

Inside Linebacker – Sheamus

The Irish fella is just a big old, stocky, burly kind of guy who likes to hit people.

Outside Linebacker – Randy Orton

The perfect size for the position at 6 feet 4 inches tall and 240 pounds.

Free Safety – Chris Jericho

Although the lights on Y2J’s jacket will be giving away coverages, he’s athletic enough to get the job done.

Strong Safety – Rob Van Dam

Like Orton, RVD is the perfect size for the position at 6 feet tall and 230 pounds. He’d fly around, leap frog, and be a menacing force that just nails people.

Cornerback – Sin Cara

He’s not going to cover a tall guy because he’s shorter, but he’s quick and can keep up with any opposing wide receiver.

Cornerback – Dolph Ziggler

“The showoff” can run his mouth and talk smack to get in the opponents head. Better yet, he’s tall enough to make up for Sin Cara’s shortcomings.

Long Snapper – Brad Maddox

He always seems to have his head between his legs, so it works.

Punter: 3 Man Band

You can just rotate them.

Honorable mentions: The Miz, Damien Sandow, Bray Wyatt, Roman Reigns, Curtis Axle.

Check out Carriker’s offensive roster of WWE wrestlers.

About 4th & Pain

Washington Redskins defensive end Adam Carriker teams with radio veteran Chuck Carroll to host 4th & Pain — the only football and pro wrestling show hosted by a NFL player and a former wrestling announcer turned weight loss champion.

The show is heard weekends on 106.7 The FAN in Washington, D.C. as well as online each weekday at 4thAndPain.com.

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