The only thing worse than your no-fail keeper pick Aaron Hernandez might be that you have no idea there were even enough picks to sustain 14 rounds. Three hours into a draft, the last picks are being plucked out of the NFL abyss and your roster officially has a player on it that you have never heard of. It happens to everyone. So why not go into survival mode and figure out who the bottom feeders are just in case you and your fantasy team become one as well. According to NFL.com, the following players are ranked lowest out of their colleagues…and according to Walter White, you’re correct in treading lightly when you have no idea who you’re dealing with.
QB: Nick Foles
Team: Philadelphia Eagles Height/Weight: 6’6″ / 243 lbs. Birthdate: 1/20/1989, Age: 24 Hometown: Austin, TX Alma Mater: Arizona Years in the NFL: 2 Sunshine over here is the QB with the most to gain this season. Ranked 40/40, Nick might still be fighting Michael Vick for the acclaimed title of QB1 mid-season. His season projected points range anywhere from the low 40s to the high 80s depending on who you ask and how confident they are Michael Vick won’t make it through the schedule. When asked about his goals for the season, he responded, “I’m just going out there to play.” Yup, so is everyone else. So. Is. Everyone. Else.
Team: Cleveland Browns Height/Weight: 6’0″ / 225 lbs. Birthdate: 2/1/1986, Age: 26 Hometown: New Bern, NC Alma Mater: Tennessee Years in the NFL: 4 Ranked last of the running backs, Montario Hardesty recently underwent arthroscopic knee surgery, which he’s hoping will ignite his inner “Peterson Recovery Mode.” Most likely he’ll miss his first two regular season games but with any arthroscopic injury, recovery could be a cinch. He’s only got 1 TD under his belt, and is averaging around 4.2 yards a carry after his four seasons in the NFL. He might not be your favorite last minute addition, but if you go for him, thumbs up. Oh wait, too soon, he also may have a broken thumb.
WR: Stephen Hill
Team: New York Jets Height/Weight: 6’4″ / 215 lbs. Birthdate: 4/25/1991, Age: 22 Hometown: Tucker, GA Alma Mater: Georgia Tech Years in the NFL: 2 Last year Hill racked up 3 TDs and 252 yards. So far this year, he’s racked up a licking from teammate Antonio Cromartie after being introduced to the turf. “Most improved player of the summer” says ESPN, even though he is coming off a knee injury and a serious case of the butterfingers. Sure he’s still honing his skills, but think about the summer you’ve had: petitioning for Backsweat Wednesday in the office so that you don’t have to bring an extra shirt every hump day, serving frozen Bud Light as italian ice at your July 4th party, purchasing your one of a kind meat brander…off etsy.com – give the guy a break, he could be your big one. If he plays.
TE: Rob Housler
Team: Arizona Cardinals Height/Weight: 6’5″ / 250 lbs. Birthdate: 3/17/1988, Age: 25 Hometown: El Paso, TX Alma Mater: Florida Atlantic Years in the NFL: 3 It’s not too consoling to learn that your TE auto pick thanks to an unprepared avatar you set up to draft for you (you had to be at a wedding, ok?!) isn’t so tight afterall. Bottom ranked TE, Rob Housler hasn’t been catching much of anything all preseason but that hasn’t stopped him from gaining some seriously positive press including a nice shout out from the team’s official website, citing that he may be “in line for a breakout year.” Unless that means he’s ditching ProActiv, he could be his coach’s and your fantasy delight.
K: Nick Folk
Team: New York Jets Height/Weight: 6’1″ / 222 lbs. Birthdate: 11/5/1984, Age: 28 Hometown: Los Angeles, CA Alma Mater: Arizona Years in the NFL: 7
As a rookie in 2007, Folk was selected to be the NFC Pro Bowl kicker and has since spent his days in Dallas and more recently East Rutherford, NJ. He still holds the record for the longest field goal in Jets franchise history from October 2011 against the Broncos with a 56-yard doosie. The Jets Insider blog is cushioning any early disappointment from the kicker with the lack of sleep caused by his new twin sons. While he still has to win his spot on the starting line up for regular season, his 21-for-27 2012 season shouldn’t be too disappointing as a last pick grab.
Rachel Roderman is a writer and comedian based in Los Angeles by way of NJ. She wrote the webisode Coco & Ruby and contributes to HelloGiggles.com, both of which are the exact opposite of this website. Follow her on Twitter @rachelroderman.