This Badass Day in History: August 26

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We can't back that.

We can’t back that.

jacopo-della-quercia1 Jacopo della Quercia
Jacopo della Quercia is a man of many talents who somehow eluded d...
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by Jacopo della Quercia

Barbarian hordes? Volcanic eruptions?! Women voting!?! Holy s**t! Sounds like August 26th was never some run-of-the-mill day on the calendar, like Flag Day, but secretly lived its whole life as…

badassdayaug26 This Badass Day in History: August 26

When in Rome…

The sacking of Rome in 410 enters its second day. According to Ra’s al Ghul in Batman Begins, the League of Shadows was behind it.

Their aim was to punish Rome for its homoerotic artwork.

That’s either Alaric’s Visigoths or some really weird performance art.

Get Him to the Greek

The Byzantine Empire is defeated and their emperor captured during the battle of Manzikert in 1071. The battle was one of the most consequential of the Middle Ages and has gone down in history as one of the harder levels in Age of Empires II: The Conquerors. Fortunately, that’s why Microsoft included keys to the COBRA car in this game.

“Our arrows will blot out the sun!”

The English longbow is used to devastating effect against French knights and crossbowmen during the battle of Crécy in 1346. The battle was a lopsided victory for the English and a painful reminder to France about their failure to grasp some of the new innovations of warfare.

Battle_of_crecy_froissart

“Run away!”

A Swiss army is crushed, albeit at enormous cost, by a much larger French force during the battle of St. Jakob an der Birs in 1444. The battle forced the French to retreat, working to Switzerland’s overall advantage and serving as yet another black-eye in French history.

Who would’ve thought such a brutal battle would make such an adorable picture!

Who would’ve thought such a brutal battle would make such an adorable picture!

Cowabunga!

Michelangelo Buonarroti is commissioned to sculpt the Pietà, one of the most famous works of art in history, in 1498. He was only 23 at the time, thus outclassing every art student there would ever be. Ever.

Showoff...

Showoff…

No ma’am

The Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen, one of the most important documents of the French Revolution, is approved in 1789. Somewhat surprisingly, women were left out of the document.

Aside from in paintings, of course.

Aside from in paintings, of course.

Study abroad

The University of Buenos Aires opens in 1821. Why is this such an epic moment in history? Check out their logo:

Is it all right to think that your alma mater is hot?

Is it all right to think that your alma mater is hot?

Mother Earth has an orgasm

The 1883 eruption of Krakatoa reaches its climax when the volcano enters its paroxysmal phase at 13:00 local time.

We’re guessing Michael Bay’s great-grandfather painted this picture.

We’re guessing Michael Bay’s great-grandfather painted this picture.

This event triggered a series of the loudest and most powerful explosions in recorded history, some of which are heard nearly 2,000 miles away. In total, the eruption is believed to have released as much energy 200 megatons of TNT. It was the Grown Ups 2 of the summer of 1883.

These boots are meant for voting

In 1920, the 19th Amendment to the US Constitution took effect. At long last, women could vote.

Women finally had a say in which men would decide what females can do with their own bodies.

Women finally had a say in which men would tell them what they could do with their own bodies.

August 26, we don’t know how you do it. Half the US population should be retweeting your birthday. Between Rome getting teabagged and Krakatoa going the way of the dinosaurs, there is no doubt you have earned your place as this badass day in history.


Where's Jimmy?

Where’s Jimmy?

Jacopo della Quercia is a man of many talents who somehow eluded death in 1438. He can regularly be found at Cracked and on Twitter @Jacopo_della_Q

The "theory" part remains debatable. ...okay, that's a lie.

The “theory” part remains debatable. …okay, that’s a lie.

Jacopo previously chronicled such badass days as July 30 and June 20.

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