The Reality of Moving in Together

So you’re in love, and it’s magical. She’s amazing — she’s smart, funny, and pretty, she loves all the things you love, and your sex life is great. You spend all of your free time together, and you still miss her when you’re apart. Why can’t you just be together all the time? The only logical solution is to move in together. I mean, that would be great, right? You can play video games together, and take bubble baths, and buy things to hang up on the walls, and you can cuddle and kiss and do grown-up things whenever you feel like it! I mean, that’s awesome, right? It’s the perfect plan. How can there be a downside to living with the person you love? Right?

But before you decide whose bed to keep, take some real time to think about whether it’s going to be a good move for you as a couple — and for YOU as a guy. Holding her in your arms while she’s looking up all doe-eyed at you, nuzzling your ear while she whispers “why can’t it always be like this?” is not the best time to make a life-changing decision. You’ve got a lot to consider. Are you mature enough? Is she? Do you see living together as a step towards marriage, or more like having an awesome roommate? How does SHE see it? Just for a moment, put aside how great she is and how much you love each other — because I’m sure she is and I’m sure you do — and think about the not-so-fun parts of cohabiting, and whether you can handle them. For example:

1) Those little habits that irk you are going to get harder to ignore

You know how she likes to pop her knuckles after she’s been typing a while? Or her neck if she’s slept on it funny? Or EVERY JOINT IN HER BODY ALL DAY? You’ve put up with it because you love her so much. I mean, she’s awesome in every other way. It’s just that one tiny, trivial thing. Why even bring it up?

And maybe you’re right. Maybe it won’t be that big of a deal. Or maybe you’ll end up screaming during an unrelated fight, “And you know what else? Quit cracking all your knuckles all the time! It’s gross!” And she’ll be like “that bothers you?” She’s not psychic. Neither are you. Here’s what you do: next time she does the annoying thing, tell her it annoys you. She probably didn’t know, and if she’s cool she’ll stop doing it in front of you.

It goes both ways, too. After you make your confession, ask her if you do anything that bugs her. You might find out that she HATES the sound you make when you eat soup, and how she wants to smack your spoon out of your hand, or just dump the bowl on your head, and this is getting too personal. Once you both know, you have two options: accept it or agree that you will both quit doing the annoying thing in front of each other. But that gets infinitely harder when you’re living together.

2) Seeing her naked will become less exciting

"Baby, tonight let's have sex with all of our clothes on and fastened and we don't move much, and also we're watching Sons of Anarchy before falling asleep at 10 and still no penetration occurs."

“Baby, tonight let’s have sex with all of our clothes on and fastened and we don’t move much, and also we’re watching Sons of Anarchy and no penetration occurs.”

It used to be just for when you were getting intimate. Living together, you will see her get in and out of the shower, change into her pajamas, etc. and the majority of the time, it’s not going to lead to sweet lovin’ down by the fire. When you don’t live together and one of you is “staying over” with the other, taking your clothes off might be a signal for sexy times. Once you’re sharing the same bed and the same bathroom, it becomes an inevitable fact of life. When have you heard the words “inevitable fact of life” and “always super hot” in the same sentence?

If it’s that much of an issue, you’re kind of shallow, but you can keep it sexy–slow stripteases or ripping each other’s clothes off is still a few steps above pajamas.

On the next page: Prepare to lose valuable real estate…

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