5 Weird Search Terms You Used to Get Here

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You're probably here because you can spell "Magdalena Frackowiak" but misspell "naked."

You’re probably here because you can spell “Magdalena Frackowiak” but misspell “naked.”

DogBadge Brendan McGinley
Mr. McGinley is the editor of Man Cave Daily. Shame on him.
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by Brendan McGinley

Well look who decided to join the party! You probably came here by Googling “Pickles as sex toys?” or “How to get away with a murder and not get caught,” but instead you found yourself lost in a labyrinth made of words about beer and beautiful women. Don’t feel bad! Other people are searching for even weirder terms. And some of them are even using Bing! So you’re far from the biggest oddball on the Man Cave Daily today. Why, just look at the oddities that your peers and inferiors are putting into search engines and enjoying:

“NBA” “dancer” “martial arts”

Well we’ve certainly never seen any NBA dancers perform brutal acts of bone-crushing fury on the maplewood, but it would be fantastic if an elite squad of deadly assassins could lapse fluidly from a dance number into containing Metta World Peace.

Probably led to:
Angel with a devil's punch.

Angel with a devil’s punch.

Our interiew with Rachel Wray, From Cheerleader to MMA Fighter She was an NFL cheerleader, not NBA, and now she punches people in the face. And she’s amazing, so we’ll take it. Oh God, it’s been so long since we’ve known the touch of a woman, even one at high velocity.

“where does andy levy live?”

Erm–we’re not actually sure where Mr. Levy lives, but we are quite sure you shouldn’t be trying to find out. Unless it’s Boswell, IN you are quite unlikely to run into him. Unless you’re looking for his actual physical address, in which case we’re calling the police and the FBI and the guys from Final Fight. One of them is a mayor now, but not of Boswell, IN. So if Andy Levy lives in Metro City, he’s protected by an ass-kicking mayor who pile-drives bull sharks. But if he lives anywhere else, holy cow, we have to warn him to stay away from you.

Probably led to:
We're going to be patting ourselves on the back for that pun all week.

We’re going to be patting ourselves on the back for that pun all week.

10 Weird Questions with TV’s Andy Levy, in which the Red Eye ombudsman takes our own Rob Fee out behind the woodshed and whups him with his belt. The belt is verbal, and the whuppin’ is a metaphor. But the woodshed, oddly, was real. It was all very uncomfortable and we’re still not comfortable talking about it, but you’ll probably enjoy reading it.

“How to deal with a boss that is mocking you”

First off–woah! Sounds like you’re in a lousy situation, buddy. You should definitely take that to HR if you feel uncomfortable. A boss is not there to make you unable to perform your work duties. A boss is there to crush your soul and remind you that no matter how hard you work and struggle you will never rise to the top. Anyway, it’s in nobody’s interest for you to be miserable, least of all yours. Why not take whimsical revenge with the article below?

Probably led to:
That's...er, not subtle

That’s…er, not subtle.

Subtle Ways to Mock Your Boss at Work — in which we taught you the fine art of passive-aggressively tormenting the people who foolishly trusted your abilities to contribute to this group effort for mutual profit.

“What is effecct of doing sex on power of mind”

For years of many, the scientic effforts of alchemists focuss on how do sex but not lose mind powers.  Sadly is lost this art, and now make a sex is doing great dammage to brains of men. A blame is upon wommens wombies for these.

Probably led to:
Unlike the sex, the dame was unforgettable

Unlike the sex, the dame was unforgettable.

Five Bizarre Effects Sex Has on The Brain, that time we found out mind-blowing sex was sometimes a literal term, causing amnesia, aneurysms, depression (!? — why are you unhappy? You HAD SEX!), and bigger…brains, believe it or not.

“drunk girl kidnappes leprechaun st patrick’s day”

We honestly have no idea what this brought somebody to, since our own Google search brings us nowhere near the site. Adding “Man Cave Daily” to the query takes us to a dead end. But if you reduce it to “leprechaun st patrick’s day” then you get a couple options, including the collected works of Richy Craven, resident Man Cave Daily columnist and confirmed Irish citizen. You also peer into the hazy green Guinnessy dregs of our “Ireland/Irish” content tag.

Probably led to:
And all agreed they would never speak of this again.

And all agreed they would never speak of this again.

The real culprit is probably Happy Leprechaun Day!, in which Richy and friends attempt to cure America of our Irish stereotypes by visiting Dublin’s National Leprechaun Museum, only to realize they’re aggravating the problem. However, they bettered their situation by realizing how many other folklore beasts they have access to, like the headless Dullahan. Then a Leprechaun Whisper shows up in the comments and berates Richy for not believing in them. Go read it. It’s awesome.


...Anything?

…anything?

Brendan McGinley is editor round these parts when not writing comics or Cracked columns. You can say a neighborly hello to him on Twitter @BrendanMcGinley.

DeHaven pretty much was the Charm in their 2011/12 season, so...yeah. She’s the one to watch, coming and going. Little-known fact: The refrain “Omar comin’ ” from The Wire was actually inspired by DeHaven’s defensive/offensive two-fisted fury, except not really because that would be silly. She’s a perfect example of why the LFL is great: driven, ambitious athletes who aren’t afraid to get rowdy. Also, keep an eye on QB Angela Rypien, who joins the team from the Seattle Mist.

DeHaven pretty much was the Baltimore Charm in their 2011/12 season.

Brendan recently interviewed actress Christine Lakin about why The Pain Makes It Funny, and shouldered the difficult task of picking the biggest badasses in the Legends Football League.

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