Why Misogyny Is Unmanly

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A picture is worth a thousand words, and for this picture every single word is “Feminazi!”

A picture is worth a thousand words, and for this picture every single word is “Feminazi!”

biosize Luke McKinney
Luke McKinney writes about games, drink, science, and everything else...
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Technology has turned some men into Reverse Robocops: instead of armor-plating  ass-kickers, it’s given our least useful men electro-skin so sensitive they can get upset about women on the other side of the planet. The internet now absorbs more frustrated discharges from lonely men than Kleenex.

She only entered the kitchen because that was the quietest path to the target's quarters.

She only entered the kitchen because that was the quietest path to the target’s quarters.
RELATED: 3 Reasons Your “Get Back In the Kitchen” Joke is Boring

They scream about how males are undervalued in the modern world. What exactly do they miss? We now have machines to lift things and kill everything, replacing 100% of the skills ancient men were better at, and if you still want to lift things we have whole rooms full of machines to let you do that too. If you miss being able to kill things, don’t worry, when you’re inevitably locked up you’ll still get access to those rooms.

You’ll also be joining a primitive world where crude muscular strength defines who gets to have sex, just like you wanted!

You’ll also be joining a primitive world where crude muscular strength defines who gets to have sex, just like you wanted!

Huge swathes of the internet are more hostile to women than strychnine-soaked tampons. Misogyny is how some men violate the warranty on their own testicles: the hardware was installed, but the owner doesn’t know how to use them, and now spends all his time fiddling with them and screaming his frustration. Misogyny is the CHECK ENGINE light on the male sex drive, proving that something has gone deeply wrong and nobody should risk riding it until it’s fixed. Hating girls doesn’t make someone a man, it makes them a toddler barring the door on a clubhouse nobody cares about.

Name-calling

Female dogs and a country lacking its last two letters don’t sound that threatening, but they’re the primary weapons of the screaming Y-chromosome warrior. Who then acts as if it’s no big deal, because sticks and stones might break their bones but names can never hurt them. Because they’re straight white men and can’t have their entire being dismissed by a slur.

“I have never been oppressed, so there’s no such thing. I’ve also discovered that periods, landmines, and the ability to perform even a single pushup simply don’t exist.”

“I have never been oppressed, so there’s no such thing. I’ve also discovered that periods, landmines, and the ability to perform even a single pushup simply don’t exist.”

When someone’s first response is name-calling they’re due a time-out in the naughty corner. Replacing the b- and c-words with “booboo” and “cooties” gives you get a much more accurate view of the speaker. That should be a browser plugin. And when it detects someone unironically using the word “feminazi” it causes the computer to self-destruct.

Unoriginality

These slurs are an admission that the brain tried to come up with an original thought and failed. Children are allowed to be that unoriginal because they’re stupid. To the mentally underdeveloped every idiotic thing is the most amazing fun in the world. It’s why Grown Ups got a sequel, and every dictionary in school has “penis” underlined. Note that underlining “penis” is the entire life philosophy of every misogynist. And the entire script of Grown Ups.

Preventing Participation

People who dismiss women do so to prevent them from competing. Unless you’re hiring people to write their name in the snow, gender isn’t an issue, and if you are, technology has solved that problem too.

Under no circumstances think of a starving snake. (Source: Go-girl.com)

Under no circumstances think of a starving snake. (Source: Go-girl.com)

There has never been a movie where the good guys heroically disqualify their enemies from competing. That’s Disney level villainy. When you’re less of a man than Mighty Ducks you have a problem. Online gaming now has a worse gender inclusion reputation than sperm banks. And at least the guys there are relaxed after firing their weapons.

Mastur-debating

The main problem with misogyny is how it seems to be up for debate. You call out an @$$#()!% for hating women, and people start discussing the role of gender in the workplace, the effects of sexual politics, if you’re really unlucky, some idiot will start explaining how it was for cavemen. Listen, if evolutionary psychology had any merit, then any man standing still long enough to explain it would be mauled by a tiger.

“In caveman times” they wouldn't have lasted five seconds.

“In caveman times” they wouldn’t have lasted five seconds.

If someone harassed anyone they met born from July to December, they’d be arrested! That person is clearly a Batman villain! Hating half the human population is not an issue, it’s not a debate, it’s being an @$$#()!%. When someone decides that their gender makes them better than someone else it’s not because they have a d**k, but because they are one.


bonusround2 Why Misogyny Is Unmanly

Sound advice.

Sound advice.

Luke McKinney writes about games, drink, science, and everything else that makes life amazing. He’s a columnist on Cracked and writes for several beer magazines. He’s also available for hire. Follow him on Tumblr and Twitter @lukemckinney.

Here: enjoy this positive one we made for you before things get ugly. (Photo: Thinkstock)

Here: enjoy this positive one we made for you before things get ugly.

For more modern manliness, read 5 Reasons Homophobia Is Unmanly, or see what went wrong with The 6 Worst Inspirational Posters Ever Made by Man.

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