Watching Miley Cyrus twerk, I thought meh, I don’t wanna do that.
Then I watched Syd Wilder twerk (with seniors), and I thought oh-em-gee, I wanna twerk! I put on my own booty shorts and tried it in the mirror and quickly realized I’m not the kind of girl who should ever twerk. I’m going to leave it to my girl Syd.
Syd and I met in July on the Red Carpet at the ESPYs. While all the other celebs, big and small, were on their best behavior in front of us media folks, the brunette rocking the extremely deep-v dress didn’t give a damn. She danced with her 5-inch heels on, and then with them off. She pulled her hair up, then took it down and whipped it back and forth in people’s faces like she owned the dance floor. She pulled the high slit in her dress up higher than most girls would as she dropped it like it was hot and just did her thing.
But Syd Wilder isn’t most girls, thank goodness.
So here are 10 weird questions (but in all honesty, since we’ve been friends, we’ve only asked each other weird questions, so these weren’t that weird) with my new favorite smoking-hot-filterless and highly inappropriate comedian, actress, and friend from LA:
1. Most embarrassing thing you do when you’re home alone?
SW: I dance naked in the mirror all the time and pretend like I’m the lead girl in a music video.
JL: But you kind of already do that on your YouTube channel, right?
SW: Yes, but I’m naked dancing on my pole in the privacy of my own home.
2. Your sister is a porn star…I don’t even have a question for this, but tell me more…
SW: It sucks when I’m on a date with a guy and he’s like “You look really familiar” and I’m like NO I DON’T! Then I realize he’s seen my sister’s work. I am terrified of watching porn online in fear of having my sisters “work” POP UP in a pop-up ad.
JL: What would your porn star name be?
SW: Carmen Bijourn.
Next: Don’t trust her…
3. If you could only listen to one singer for the rest of your life (kind of like on a deserted island kind of thing), who would it be?
SW: Amy Winehouse – she was such a talented artist. I really admire all the work she’s put out and she gave it all she had when she was alive.
JL: Isn’t her music kind of depressing?
SW: Not as much as being on a deserted island all alone.
4. Do you eat sushi with A) chopsticks B) a fork C) your hand?
SW: I learned how to eat sushi with chopsticks on a date in Nobu when I was 15. I lied and said I knew how to use them then proceeded to drop all of my food into his lap. So, after that wonderful experience I use chopsticks.
JL: So you lied to him? Do you lie to guys a lot?
SW: All the time! Telling the truth is boring, especially to men!
5. Who is your celebrity crush and how would you hit on him or get his attention?
SW: Brian Wilson, the pitcher from SF Giants, now a Dodger. I should just go up to him at my gym cause he works out there. Maybe next time I see him I’ll drop a weight near the weight rack or drop something in front of his face and coyly bend over to pick it up while he’s doing a bench press.
JL: Bending over brings up a good question – when you’re at a sporting event for example, and you have to walk past other seats to get to yours or grab a beer, do you walk past them with your butt facing them or facing out?
SW: Facing them then I’ll turn my head back to see their reaction.
6. If you were in a Lifetime movie and your character died (because they always do in those movies), how would you go down?
SW: I’d kind of like to die during a sex scene… Giving a BJ seems like an act of duty and a great last thing to do before you die.
JL: Who do you think would play you? Who do people tell you look like?
SW: Sarah Silverman, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sarah Michelle Gellar. I used to hate getting Sarah Silverman until I saw her perform at UCB. She downplays herself a lot, she’s actually really pretty.
7. Have you ever legitimately peed your pants laughing?
SW: No, but I did pee in front of a cop once and I totally denied it while it streamed across his feet. I still have NO IDEA how I got out of getting arrested.
8. What’s the creepiest thing someone has said to you on social media? And I really hope it wasn’t my dad, because that’d be awkward…
SW: Gosh, I get weird comments all the time but I’m trying to remember which one has stuck out the most. Probably marriage proposals – it’s like dude; I’m not into online dating.
JL: Speaking of social media, is it OK if people stalk you?
SW: I love being stalked on social media! Have at me!
9. What goes through your mind when you’re at the gym/working out? Personally, I think about the stripper my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with, so I’m always curious what other girls are thinking during cardio…
SW: If I’m with my trainer or in a class I think of Cirque du Soleil, salsa dancing, pole dancing and twerking. Each rep makes me a better dancer so that inspires me. When I’m boxing I imagine it’s my ex’s face and balls.
JL: Ahh, so twerking…Miley?
SW: I love her and appreciate that she admits she has no ass. With that said, how can you claim to twerk if you don’t have a booty?
JL: That’s a good question. I wonder if that’s why I shouldn’t twerk?
10. A message for haters online or hecklers in the audience during one of your shows?
SW: I LOVE MY HATERS. I’ve been fortunate enough not to have a heckler experience yet. Just bombing — way worse than heckling. Hearing crickets and painful silence after a joke.
11. If you were on The Real Housewives (any city), what would your intro be?
SW: I may be a little wild and fun but I’m focused on my big dreams.
JL: I’ve hung out with you before, remember? A little wild? Are you sure that’s accurate?
SW: Absolutely not!
12. If you could be the First Lady of any former presidents, who would it be and why?
SW: Kennedy… Because everyone wants to f**k a Kennedy.
JL: Any Kennedy, as long as he’s a Kennedy?
SW: No, only the O.G.
* * *
You can follow Syd on Twitter and Instagram (trust me, you want to): both usernames: @SydWilder. She’s already given y’all permission to stalk her, so you don’t have to feel too creepy. Just lay off the online marriage proposals.
Oh, and she’s not afraid to tell you how much she loves sex, and even considers it one of her favorite hobbies. The end.
Jayme Lamm is a freelance sports and travel writer based in Houston and is currently in a full-court press writing her hugely opinionated sports column, The Blonde Side. Follow her travels for sporting events and check her out on Twitter.
Jayme accounted 23 Things that Only Happen at the ESPYS and discovered The Only Thing Better than Interviewing a Ben-Gal? Interviewing Two.