My Quest To Find The Perfect Savory And Salty Cocktail

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How can it be perfect if it's not resting on the rich mahogany of a vintage pool table?

How can it be perfect if it’s not resting on the rich mahogany of a vintage pool table?

100_0672 Luis Prada
Luis Prada’s a columnist for Cracked, and his work can also be found...
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Liquor and I don’t get along too well. This is mostly because I don’t enjoy the flavor of searing pain. That’s all hard liquor is, really. “Drink this thing and it will get you drunk, but in order to reach the promised land of drunk you will need to pass this gauntlet of liquid fire through your throat.”

As a result, I tend to only drink one of two styles of cocktail – sugary, fruity drinks that usually come with mint leaves, fruit slices, a flower, and a tampon; or salty, savory cocktails that taste like distilled testosterone and wood chips. I’ve never had much of a sweet tooth, so savory drinks are my drinks of choice. But for so long the only savory drink I knew was the dirty martini, that wonderful martini variation that combines getting drunk like James Bond with perhaps the best salty green thing in a jar known to man.

So I made it my personal quest to hunt down a series of recipes for salty, savory drinks in order to diversify my drink repertoire. But before they would go in whatever a repertoire is, I needed to test them out make sure my repertoire wasn’t filled with liquid $#!+.

First up: The Bullshot

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