DC/Marvel Mating Mash-up!

What if your favorite superheroes had kids?

So, sex, awesome, right? Especially when you have someone to do it with. And because sex is really awesome you probably think about it a lot. Fun as it is, though, there’s more to sex than just making the O face. Sex also gives us babies (Sorry if you’re parents haven’t gotten around to telling you but it’s true.). Which is either great or the main downside to the love act depending on your point of view. And since we’ve exhausted every possible outcome of “Who would win if Superhero X fought Superhero Y?” we decided to play fantasy rugrat instead. Here then is what the babies of certain DC and/or Marvel superheroes would look like…

She-Hulk and The Thing

Instead of some blind lady like Alicia Masters or school teacher like Debbie Green, wouldn’t the Fantastic Four’s strong man be better served if he got some lovin’ from one of Marvel Universes strongest ladies? I mean, you know, The She Hulk wouldn’t, er, break during the act if you catch my meaning.

And what cute babies the two would have! Why, orange and green are such popular colors together that that there is even a song about it!

Okay, maybe that’s not quite the story of a gamma-irradiated green woman and her orange rocked lover but it’s pretty close.

Wolverine and Hawkgirl

Sure they come from different universes–He’s Marvel, She’s DC– but these two would make some awesome children. For one thing, between her reincarnation powers and his ability to instantly heal from any wound, spawn created from a combination of their genes would exist for pretty much forever.

Cyborg and Tigra

More cross-universe love! She’s a reincarnated tiger woman (Reincarnation is a big thing with a certain set of heroes) and he’s a guy with the most amazing prosthetics in the history of the world. Okay, sure, you wouldn’t think Cyborg’s babies would be born with metal parts since they are only attachments to his body, not something he was born with. But his robotic parts have become so integral to him that any kid would surely have a bit of chrome on them.

Dead Girl and Ghost Rider

Can a ghost/zombie and a demon squeeze out some children? Hey, demon sperm is the best type of sperm. It’s the sort of sperm that makes kids like this

These two Marvel Comics creations would make the sort of off spring that not only does the world need but that the world deserves.

Bulleteer and Silver Surfer

Another DC and Marvel crossover, and why not? If there are any two people on this list who most would make a fantastic collection of little ones it’s a gal with metal skin and a bullet head and a glittering space surfer dude. Those kids would truly shine.

Also, there's slime, which makes some viewers uncomfortable.

Also, there’s slime, which makes some viewers uncomfortable.

Joe is the co-host of the Skeptiles podcast, star of his own YouTube channel and a stand up comedian, in other words, he’s horribly poor. You can follow him on Twitter @JoeLewisdixon where he can bore you or offend you depending upon your preference.

Now if this movie were a radio program...THAT'D be something.

Now if this movie were a radio program…THAT’D be something.

Joe asked Are These Popular ’80s Films Actually Awful? and gave a firm answer to a more modern movie in his Review of In A World…

More from Joe Dixon

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