The Unintentionally Hilarious Side of Rap

View Comments
A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no rapper's more coarse than a horse of course, but cursing in verse can be worse than a curse if you're too terse to disperse your words.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no rapper’s more coarse than a horse of course, but cursing in verse can be worse than a curse if you’re too terse to disperse your words.

DogBadge Writers Josh Hrala
Josh also writes articles for Cracked.com, which can be found here. He...
Read More

Rata-tat-tat! That’s the sound of my gat. Rappers love to be viewed as hardcore gangsters who will not only shoot you once but hundreds of times because they’re overachievers at heart. The most notorious rappers today who are labeled “gangsta” pretty much have to make you understand just how gangster they are–by writing what could be considered poetry with a bass line behind it.

So, how do they do this? How does one convey a gangster image all by talking / screaming about dollar bills and just how many ways there are to say “I smoked pot all day and sat with my friends, it was dope.” In a work of art (any art) everything is meticulously set out to drive an audience to the effect or reaction intended by the artist. Rap is not excluded, so what the hell is with these moments in between verses of some songs? Hilarity, that’s what.

Rick Ross and his. . . grunt?

Rick Ross is a scary looking dude. He’s huge, is bald and has a beard–pretty much the image of badass or someone who at least will lay you out with one swing. His lyrics are good too, I enjoy some of his songs, at least. But then all of a sudden he starts grunting like dog that kind of heard something but doesn’t know if it should full-on bark or hold it in for later.

The first word is “errugh.”

I can see no point to do this. I doubt a producer said, “Rick, we need more, something to really put it over the top. How about a grunt? Yeah, perfect, now do that 600 more times. Perfect.” When it becomes ridiculous is thinking that Ross has to actually do that whole part of song in the studio after he lays down the lyrical track. Imagine being the person in the studio who is labeled the “grunt technician” where all you have to do is make sure Ross’ grunts happen every couple of seconds.

Saying Swag After Everything

Jay-Z made the term “swagga” pretty popular with his song “All I Need” back in the day, and back in the day happens to be Sept 11th, 2001 which is the date The Blue Print was release. That has nothing to do with this entry but I found it strange, so now you have a useless fact you can tote around. You’re welcome. Anywhoosles, after Jay-z “got his swagga back” more and more songs started to come out with the word in it. Then all hell broke loose and everyone was swaggin’ around sippin’ on swag while doing nothing that was swag-tastic at all. So it obviously became an internet meme because that’s what the internet does. Now we have songs like Lil B’s “Wonton Soup.”

Indeed, enough said. I just made some coffee, SWAG!

Waka Flocka Flame Waka Wakas

Waka Flocka Flame is a hyped up rapper that goes crazy every time he hits the studio. It’s pretty much impossible to listen to him without getting all excited for some reason especially when you consider that 90 percent of the time he’s saying “waka waka pow pow pow!” Again, like Rick Ross he must have to go through the track after the main lyrical track is done and overlap the “waka wakas” in such a way that it’s just right for people to get hyped the hell up for nonsense words. Here’s an example:

Yeah, you just heard about 9 million wakas if you were wondering and about 40 million pows. Whatever the reason he took to this approach it’s working because he’s a pretty popular guy, and like I said the songs get you pumped up. But then you think about it and realize you have no idea what in the hell just happened, where am I? Why do I not have pants on? Swag.

DMX–Growls, Barks, and Everything in Between

DMX brings intensity to every song. He’s what would happen if every rapper was on a caffeine rush after winning the lottery. His intensity isn’t what makes him on list list though, it’s the background track that features him screaming ‘COME ON’ and ‘LET’S GET IT ON’ then growling. Not in the Rick Ross sort of way that I hope you have come to love by now, but in a borderline screamo sort of way. Or he just straight up barks his ass off like the mailman was at the door and he was sitting behind a glass screen door. Check it out:

Once again we have a rapper who can really get you hyped and is featured in a bunch of different things, but that image is sort of goofy if you picture him in the studio just trying to get his growl right. Can you imagine being in an argument with him? It would go from civilized to damn insane in a heart beat. You’d be instantly lost in a din of gargled “Come on”s and “What”s! It’s really the perfect way to win a a debate. Should of had more of that kind of appeal to logic in the presidential campaigns.


Josh Hrala has a degree in swagology and also writes for Cracked.com and his work can be found here. He wants to be your BFF on Facebook, and can be emailed hate mail at joshhrala@gmail.com.

View Comments
blog comments powered by Disqus
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,522 other followers