Australian Thieves Steal 11-ton Mango

Oh, Australia — you do love living up to your twin stereotypes of A) drunk and B) criminal. If you’re not stealing penguins, you’re using some kind of incredible vehicle to make off with an 11-ton fiberglass mango sculpture in the middle of the night. 

Nobody knows how or why the thieves managed to make off with the mango, because authorities are circumspect, mentioning only “heavy equipment” and “big machinery” despite the theft being captured on CCTV. Some speculate this is all a publicity stunt. Others believe “Whoa! Cool mango, bro. Where are you going to put it?”

The only thing we know for certain is this: Australians will rob you blind, and somehow, at some stage, alcohol was involved in this caper. One doesn’t gaze upon the most gorgeous mango in all the land and think, “This…I must own,” without some liquid inspiration. And so, 11 tons (or 10 tonnes, if you’re metric) later, you’ve got the world’s most expensive lawn ornament. Or maybe a treehouse deep in the bush for some hippies you know. 

Of course, as technically impressive as this caper was, it doesn’t have the boundless optimism of the dreamers who crashed Sea World to commit avian kidnap: 

Australia, you’re so adorably crazy.

Aw, how cute! It's a koala beer!

Aw, how cute! It’s a koala beer!

For more (presumably) drunk Australian action, read our firsthand list of Australia’s Most Popular Beers (they ain’t Fosters).

We want to go to there.

We want to go to there.

Brendan McGinley is editor round these parts when not writing comics or Cracked columns. You can say a neighborly hello to him on Twitter @BrendanMcGinley.

Ooooeee, that dame's got pipes AND gams!

Ooooeee, that dame’s got pipes AND gams!

Brendan interviewed model Michelle Lummus and found you A “Call Me Maybe” Cover You Can Fox-Trot to.


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