A Day in the Life of…Steven Seagal

graphic by Brendan McGinley

Steven Seagal is a divisive character. There are some who think him delusional, arrogant, egotistical, and a bit hopped up on his own glory (see all previous links). Of course, this is the internet, where it’s not hard to find someone talking smack about someone they’ve never met, so we can’t speak to any of those potentially libelous claims. That’s why we’re just going to let John Leguizamo tell his story of laughing in Seagal’s face, getting choke-slammed into a wall, and still laughing in his face:

One thing that’s not libelous is to assess that Seagal appears to be a d-bag of the most monstrous order, from his inane wardrobe to his dumpy white guy groove band to his pseudo-spiritual schtick, to his many, many unsupportable claims, including being a clairvoyant healer. Oh, and there’s that time he busted into that dude’s house on a bad lead for his police show, and killed all the guy’s chickens and puppy. Steven Seagal: puppy killer conspirator.

So yeah, in conclusion, we guess we’re saying he’s the suckiest person in America. Let’s see how he’s celebrating his birthday today:

642 seagal2 A Day in the Life of...Steven Seagal

We left out all the accusations of sexual harassment throughout the day.

Jacopo della Quercia is a man of many talents who somehow eluded death in 1438. He can regularly be found at Cracked and on Twitter @Jacopo_della_Q

Does anyone else hear fiddling?

Does anyone else hear fiddling?

Jacopo is MCD’s resident historian and keeper of the badass flame. Check out This Badass Day in History: October 30 and This Badass Day in History: October 9.

More from Jacopo della Quercia

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