Can you believe Roald Dahl’s book about a boy who inherits a chocolate factory is 50 years old? And it’s been devoid of racism for most of those? Since we know Willy Wonka doesn’t age much and can’t die, owing to his healthy diet of pure candy, we wondered what he’d been up to all this time. Was he staying active in the factory’s lab? Gorging himself on Wonkabars? Stuck in a no-winners battle pitting his infinite life force against the hunger of the Everlasting Gobstopper?
Turns out the eccentric genius has been ripping a path of his own making through the world, much as he did through the confection industry. Oh, his retirement has been terrible, for a mind like that never sleeps. Just gaze upon the swath of his destruction.