Real Life Consequences for Popular Conspiracy Theories

It's Global Tin Foil Hat Day...or so THEY would have you believe

Conspiracy theories are fun. Whether or not they end up being true is a whole other, way less fun field of study but there seem to be certain facts that get overlooked. If some of these widely believed conspiracy theories ended up being 100% true, then there are some real world consequences that need to be taken into account. 

Lizard People

Okay, technically they're amphibious reptoid merpeople.

Okay, technically they’re amphibious reptoid merpeople.

The Conspiracy:

It is a widely held belief that the people running the country are actually lizard hybrids breeding an army underneath the Earth’s surface to one day rise and take over. Some believe alien lizards interbred with humans, others believe these people are straight up aliens, but senators, politicians, lawmakers, and even the president are part of this DNA strand.

The Consequence:

Ok so let’s assume this is a real thing. Lizard people have been working on tax reform. One day they will come up from their underground lairs and rule the world because no one will have seen it coming. This is fine and well and all, but to thwart this uprising would be a lot more simple than an all out war. What would citizens have to do? For one, remember that lizards are cold-blooded which means they can only survive in warm climates. If people moved to colder locations, the Lizard People would lose any advantage they had. Problem solved! Well, at least until the mouse people stop getting used as bait.

Aliens Built the Pyramids

"Without these magnificent structures, how will aliens ever sharpen razor blades?"

“Without these magnificent structures, how will aliens ever sharpen razor blades?”


The pyramids were so advanced that many theorize that aliens helped come in and build them. From cat worship to Egyptian mythology to hieroglyphics, there are a lot of allusions to interplanetary assistance.

The Consequence:

It sounds cool, it brings in ratings for TV show investigations, and it keeps us guessing. Oh wait, if this were true, that’s a slap in the face to all of the other cultures that didn’t get alien assistance. Sure the Egyptians were a revolutionary culture, but so were the Chinese with their Great Wall, the Polynesians with their navigation, and the Norse with their world-traveling fearless conquerors. Why no alien help for them? No wonder people want to find extraterrestrials; we’ve been slighted and revenge must be had!

Illuminati Control the World

Mo' money, mo', say a cabal of overlords conspiring to keep you enslaved.

Mo’ money, mo’ problems…like, say a cabal of overlords conspiring to keep you enslaved.

The Conspiracy:

There are a select group of people out there pulling the strings of society. Unnamed rulers who have planned out every election, war, cultural shift, and control the world’s money. These conspirators plan to enslave the world and reap all of the rewards.

The Consequence:

Oh no! These mysterious rulers are pulling the strings, controlling the money and power which leaves the rest of the population totally helpless. Or does it? Economic collapse doesn’t seem too planned out, but there’s something else that seems to be overlooked entirely. If all of the money is taken from the majority of the population, then money is meaningless. If money becomes meaningless, then the new form of currency becomes…food. Survival is based on eating sustainable food and drinking water. So if the Illuminati take away all of our money, farmers come into power and become through the transitive property wealthiest inhabitants of the country. Unless farmers are the Illuminati and have been the entire time…

Time Travel

That wasn't time travel, Dave. The molly you took in the club kicked in right about the time your cab hit the Lincoln Tunnel.

That wasn’t time travel, Dave. The molly you took in the club kicked in right about the time your cab hit the Lincoln Tunnel.

The Conspiracy:

The government has developed time travel technology and has been using it to rearrange history. Better outcomes in sporting events, winning lottery numbers, even the prevention of needless wars. Wait a minute…

The Consequence:

Assuming that this is true and that the government not only has the ability to time travel, but has already done so leads to one logical conclusion…either they’re full of it, or everything that has happened and will happen is for the greater good of mankind. Even to go back and change the past so something like an election, it wouldn’t work because basic time travel theory states that once present day is returned to, the event which caused the traveller to go back in time would not have taken plus thus not warranting them to go back in time the first go around. Mind explodes. Essentially everything that has happened cannot be undone.

Mind Control

The steampunk Matrix wasn't nearly as fun.

The steampunk Matrix wasn’t nearly as fun.

The Conspiracy:

Certain secret agencies are able to beam electromagnetic waves straight into human brains in order to manipulate thought. If the brain waves can be controlled, the person will perform any action from buying certain products to becoming an unknowing assassin.

The Consequence:

To develop this kind of technology is certainly ambitious. It’s very ’50s sci-fi and conjures images of tinfoil hats. The thing to keep in mind though is that the people who create this technology are also susceptible it. Something as advanced as manipulating naturally occurring brainwaves puts the engineers in direct danger of the exact thing they are looking to create. Just because they’re smart doesn’t make them immune. It raise the age-old question, what came first? The brain wave manipulator, or the scientist who thought they had a great idea but was actually being manipulated in the brain by a brainwave manipulator from another scientist?

Tyler Paterson is a Chicago native that tours the country with his comedy band. He loves ghost hunting and writing music. But not writing music about ghost hunting.

Tyler investigated some real arcane knowledge in Show Us Your Voodoo!

Do you do that voodoo, boo?

Do you do that voodoo, boo?

More from W. Tyler Paterson

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

More From Mancave Daily

LISTEN: Sports, Entertainment, Guests, Hilarity
Al's Boring Podcast
Podcasts Galore

Listen Live