¡Cinco de Funday!

Monday is no excuse not to celebrate 5/5

By now, you’ve all heard the news. Cinco de Mayo is on a Monday this year. And that means most of you are muttering “aw, shucks” under your breath and putting away your hysterical sombreros and t-shirts with phrases like “Happy Mexican St. Patrick’s Day!” And that’s good, because you shouldn’t be wearing that stuff anyway, idiot.

HOWEVER. Yours is the spirit of a quitter, sir or madam. Why can’t you enjoy Cinco de Mayo on a Monday? Are you confined to doing amazing things only, what two days a week? ¡Ridículo! Today we’re going to tell you about four fantastic things that went down on a Monday to prove that you can stay thirsty any day of the week.

The birthday of José María Morelos

When: Monday, September 30, 1765

Those who aren’t terribly up to speed on Mexican history (cough) might need a primer here. José María Morelos was a priest, but not one of those “turn the other cheek” and “you’re not allowed to have fun “til you die” priests. No, he was more the, “Oh, the leader of the Mexican rebellion against Spain has been killed? Well then, I’d better take over the army.” Then he made the sign of the Cross and started stomping ass.

To put it succinctly (and probably dumbly, since I’m new to this whole Mexican history thing), Morelos was essentially a Mexican George Washington (contrary to popular belief, it was not Jorge Lavado-Tonelada). He was one of the most talented generals on the field and won enough battles to be considered a Mexican hero. Plus, he was offered the title of “Generalissimo,” but turned it down in favor of “Servant of the Nation”–not dissimilar to how Washington denied the American monarchy.

BUT! He was also sort of like a Mexican Thomas Jefferson, in that he authored the “Sentiments of the Nation” in 1813, which declared Independence from Spain, set up the Legislative, Executive, and Judicial branches of government.

BUT! He was also also sort of Abe Lincoln, in that the Sentiments of the Nation abolished slavery.

So, it might be an oversimplification, but for people like me to understand–he was essentially three of America’s best presidents rolled up in one. OH! And he captured Acapulco! How cool is that? You figure if you’re going to be leading an assault, you may as well plan for some R and R later, eh?

Aniversario de la Constitución

When: Monday, February 5, 1917

One of the worst things about living in the US is that after New Year’s Eve, there are no holidays to take the edge off until Memorial Day. No such problem in Mexico. Constitution Day in Mexico–which celebrates the 1917 Constitution and remains in effect to this day–is a day of parades, gifts, celebrations, music festivals, and more. Originally celebrated on the day of signing (February 5th), it was instead decided that the celebration would be held on the first Monday of February, so as to guarantee a three-day weekend. The only bummer? Sales of liquor are banned the three days before, and the day of, the event. But the good news? They didn’t say anything about Dos Equis!

Cinco de Mayo

When: Monday, May 5, 1862

If the original argument is that you can’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo on a Monday, the ultimate counter-argument is that you can, because that’s literally when the first Cinco de Mayo was held. Yes, everyone called off of work and headed to the bar, and there was much revelry and day drinking and exchanging of text messages. Karen was there, and she just got out of a relationship with Brad. It was pretty cool. Anyway, it was a momentous day, and one that reminds us of the spirit of Cinco de Mayo to this day. So if those first, bold, pioneers de la fiesta can do it–so can you!

(Consults history book)

Hey wait a sec…did you guys know that Mexico was able to stop France at the battle of Puebla?

The Most Interesting Man in the World Apparates Out of Star Dust

When: Monday, September 26, 1938

History books might tell you that The Most Interesting Man in the World is played by an actor named Jonathan Goldsmith, who models his character after his late best buddy Fernando Lamas. But we choose to go with the theory that no one can truly say where Goldsmith ends and where TMIMITW begins. And so, since we don’t know his birthday, let’s go with Goldsmith’s.

Yes, the Most Interesting Man in the World joined the world on a Monday, probably with a cigar in one hand and a martini in the other, not unlike Baby Herman from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I could weave a convincing argument, based on this, as to why that makes Mondays acceptable. But I don’t think I need to. If this is the day that the Most Interesting Man in the World decided to join us, I think it makes Monday the most interesting day of the week. If for no other reason that it’s the day you’re least likely to expect greatness (and, therefore, it’s the perfect, most unexpected day to make greatness).

So I say follow these examples. Don’t put off joy until Friday. Go live your life and do amazing things every day of the week, especially this Monday. And if you happen to do it with a cold, frosty Mexican lager in your hand, hey–more power to you.

Come on, this is the way to live any day of the week.

Come on, this is the way to live any day of the week.

Brian Cullen really, really enjoys robots but doesn’t understand how they work. He also enjoys drinking beers, and has a pretty solid understanding of how that works. You can read about his musings about both on Twitter @BucketCullen.

Brian dug up more secrets of the past in The Little-Known History of RoboCop and looked to the future in Our Predictions for the 2014 Baseball Season.

The future of American justice looks a lot like a substandard remake of its past.

The future of American justice looks a lot like a substandard remake of its past.

Photo: Jared Wickerham/Getty Images

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