Hey sports fans! Draft Day is upon us, so we thought we’d drink our way through it, one round at a time. Remember–the draft itself takes place over three days long, so it’s a good thing we’ve got a maladjusted sense of self worth and a 24-hour bodega across the street. So grab a beer, and without further ado–here are the rules for Draught Day!
TAKE ONE DRINK:
- Every time Michael Sam’s name is mentioned outside of the context of Roger Goodell announcing his actual drafting
- Every time time the name “Jadeveon Clowney” is mentioned
- Every time Johnny Manziel is compared to Tim Tebow
- Every time you realize that she really meant it this time, and Karen really isn’t coming back
- Every time a talented player starts to fall in the draft, and he gets compared to Aaron Rodgers
- Every time a quarterback gets taken in a late round, and he gets compared to Tom Brady or Russell Wilson
DRINK HALF A BEER
- Every time you see a terribly tacky suit
- Every time the announcers try to respectfully and intelligently discuss Michael Sam, but instead, accidentally put their feet right in their mouths
- Every time you get an email from work wondering where you’ve been the last two days
- Every time the announcers praise the Patriots‘ draft strategy, even though, for the life of you, you can’t comprehend it
- Every time classically bad teams like the Lions or Browns make classically bad draft decisions.
- Every time you check Karen’s Facebook page. Wait, who the f*** is Joshua??