If you’re anything like me, once upon a time you thought of vampires as one of the kings of monsters; undead royalty that shapeshifted into predators, drank blood and occasionally tempted beautiful women to consider eternal undeath because if you’re going to live forever treating humans as delicious pork products, you want someone sexy to spend eternity with.
Then Twilight came along and reduced Dracula–a fiend named and based on a guy whose name meant “The Dragon” and carried the qualifying title of “The Impaler”–into a sparkling, maudlin, permanent teenager with a taste for plain-Janes who are as “girl power” as June Cleaver. While Anne Rice gets some credit for setting the stage for mopey feelings-vamps who drink animal blood, Stephenie Meyer penned the literary scissors that finally castrated them entirely.
But there is some hope in the world of monsters; thanks to the stage set by Ms Meyer, monster erotica has really taken off. You can browse Amazon and find everything from dino-erotica to sasquatch-erotica. This got me thinking; what other fictional beasts are out there that could be sexified for her pleasure? I’ve compiled a list of some suggestions, as well as sample plots so that maybe some entrepreneurial soul will go make a fortune off the stunted sexuality of even more horse-sweater-wearing girls and deeply ashamed boys.