A Day in the Life of…the Large Hadron Collider

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This is pretty much how every prediction we make ends up--even what we'll be having for lunch.

This is pretty much how every prediction we make ends up–even what we’ll be having for lunch.

jacopo-della-quercia1 Jacopo della Quercia
Jacopo della Quercia is a man of many talents who somehow eluded d...
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graphic by Brendan McGinley

The Large Hadron Collider at CERN — who can explain what it is and what it does? Nobody except scientists. And who trusts scientists? They’re the ones who invented global warming–or would be, if global warming weren’t a LIE invented by…whom? That’s right: scientists again! It seems you can’t trust scientists at all. They’re all dabbling in God’s domain, trying to find something called the “God Particle.” Well, sir, no god we’ve ever heard of calls himself Higgs-Boson.

It was two years ago today that the LHC discovered just such a particle. It think it’s soooo smart.

This LHC is apparently the most sophisticated piece of machinery ever constructed (source: us). Well you know what happens when you put big dumb machines that are really smart with stupid brainy scientists? That’s right: God complex again! So if you ask us, we’re courting disaster, just waiting for this thing to go all Skynet, or Matrix, or even some futuristic movie, which has yet to be filmed, about machines subjugating man.

Here’s how it’s going to go down…

More like...Lousy Humanity Crusher. Hah!

More like…Lousy Humanity Crusher. Hah!

 


Lesser parties get medieval. This one went full Renaissance

Lesser parties get medieval. This one went full Renaissance.

Jacopo della Quercia is a man of many talents who somehow eluded death in 1438. He can regularly be found at Cracked and on Twitter @Jacopo_della_Q
Does anyone else hear fiddling?

Does anyone else hear fiddling?

Jacopo is MCD’s resident historian and keeper of the badass flame. Check out This Badass Day in History: October 30 and This Badass Day in History: October 9.

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