How to Fill Your Your Football-Vacant Sundays

View Comments
"Maybe I could THROW a football? Ooh, but what if I tried and spilled my beer?"

“Maybe I could THROW a football? Ooh, but what if I tried and spilled my beer?”

DogBadge Writers Hello I am Kyle Ayers. How is you?
Kyle Ayers is a comedian and writer living in New York City. He has...
Read More

We’re still weeks away from any respectable kind of kickoff, but football talk has officially shifted from what happened this season to what will happen next season. Sure, you could turn to ESPN to see how far Mel Kiper’s widow’s peak has migrated away from his face, but there are other opportunities to fill your Sundays outside of football. Here are some things you can do to pass the time, and make NFL hibernation mode pass a little faster.

Catch Up with Your Kids

Oh, you forgot you had kids? You spent Saturdays watching college football and Sundays watching professional football for so long that you seem to have neglected your children. It’s ok, though. Let’s hope they don’t grow up as fast as everyone says they do. I wonder if that one kid is still in to pokemon? Which one was that, again? The tall one? What was your son’s name again? Danny, I think. Danny Amendola sounds like his name probably.

Binge-Watch Those Shows You Haven’t Seen

You’ve got 24 hours in a Sunday, and 25 or so Sundays until the NFL is back. That gives you opportune time to binge watch all of these shows everyone is talking about. You’ll finally understand every Facebook post you’ve been liking to feel included. Seven seasons of Mad Men you forgot to watch? You’ll breeze through those like Don Draper in a smoke-filled bar. You totally missed out on Breaking Bad? Put on your best tighty whiteys and knock out all five seasons in one sitting, stopping only to have breakfast with your son Walt Jr. or Flynn or whatever his name is.

Get into Other Sports

Ok, it might not feed your human-on-human violence fix that only the NFL can, but the MLB is full of immensely likable, historically talented young players right now. And if you just need that violence, check out YouTube clips of the Metta World Peace formally known as Ron Artest jumping in to the crowd to punch a guy who I remember looking a lot like Edward Snowden.

Exercise

Read a Book

Reconnect with Your Significant Other

Video Games

This seems to be the most likely candidate. Madden exists year-round, and the best part is your team can actually win the Super Bowl. Knock the difficulty level down to Easy and beat down your biggest rival over and over again until your thumbs become calloused. If anyone asks why your hands are so dry, you can say you were raking or something dumb like that.


Kyle Ayers is a comedian and writer living in New York City. He has performed alongside anyone and everyone, such as Nick Thune, Dave Attell, Reggie Watts, Nick Vatterott, Nikki Glaser, Derrick Comedy (Mystery Team), Broken Lizard (Super Troopers), Tommy Johnagin and more. He has trained at iO and Second City in Chicago, in the improv-ing. He writes for KorkedBats.com and CBS because doing comedy for free doesn’t pay very well. He was in the feature film Box Elder, which showed all over the country, as well as a few other flicks. He runs a comedy show in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, called Game Night. He has starred in numerous sketches and been featured on the front page of FunnyOrDie.com. He specializes in short, concise sentences about his comedy career. You can follow him on Twitter @KyleAyers.

No stranger to boredom and disappointment, Kyle previously taught you How To Survive Fantasy Baseball.

This could easily be 1948.

This could easily be 1948.

 

View Comments
blog comments powered by Disqus
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,453 other followers