Being a judge must be difficult. Not only do you have to decide the fate of people on a regular basis, you also have to deal with some of the most ridiculous lawsuits that anyone could dream up. Here are a dozen of the weirdest and most bizarre lawsuits you’ve ever seen.
1. Texting While Not Driving
In New Jersey a car accident took place that left a motorcyclist and his wife as amputees. The driver of the car was texting when the accident occurred and, after a civil suit with the driver, the injured couple took an odd direction. They tried to sue the girl that sent the text that distracted the driver. Luckily the judge also recognized how ridiculous this was and dismissed the case.
2. Music Piracy
Remember back in 2005 when the music industry was going after everyone for downloading Metallica? Several labels decided it would be a good idea to go after an 83-year-old woman who they claimed put more than 700 songs on the internet illegally. The only problem is that she was dead. There’s no better way to make the best use of everyone’s time like taking a corpse to court.
3. Music Piracy 2.0
If you think the embarrassment of the RIAA’s lawsuits stop there, guess again. In 2003 the group went after a 12-year-old girl because she had an MP3 on her computer. Her family, who lived in a housing project, was ordered to pay $2,000 for her copyright infringement. It’s about time someone took down those vicious preteen crime lords!
4. Kanye, Kim, and Al Qaeda
In 2012 Jonathan Lee Riches sued Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. He claimed that while he was in the mountains of West Virginia he saw the couple burning flags, shooting guns in the air, and declaring their love and allegiance to Al Qaeda. Riches said that after they were done, Kanye put on a concert for his fellow Al Qaeda members. Sure, pal. We’re just amazed he found a lawyer who’d waste their time with this.
It’s a sad day when a kidnapper can’t even trust his own hostages. In 2011 a man in Topeka, Kansas tried to sue the people he had taken hostage for not helping him escape. He claimed that they made a verbal, and therefore legally binding, agreement saying they’d help him escape, only to turn on him and let him be arrested. It’s so weird that the judge threw this out, isn’t it?
A man in New Jersey overdosed on Xanax at a party in 2011, which resulted in permanent nerve damage. He then sued the pharmacy where the pills were stolen from, the drug manufacturer, the guests at the party for not responding soon enough after he passed out, the party’s host and the host’s parents who were out of town for the weekend and not even present when the events occurred. He ended up settling out of court for $4.1 million. Holy crow, it worked!
7. Bad Grades
Brian Delekta wasn’t satisfied with just getting an A. In 2003 he filed a lawsuit in Michigan demanding his grade be changed from an A to an A+ even though it wouldn’t make a difference in his grade. I’m just glad our legal system is being used for important matters like this and not used for silly publicity stunts.
How nice would it be if someone brought freshly baked cookies to your door right now? Amazing, right? Not according to a Colorado woman. A pair of young girls baked up some cookies and decided to deliver them to their neighbors free of charge. When they knocked on Wanita Young’s door she had a panic attack and called the police. She then sued the girls for knocking on her door and was awarded $900. That’ll teach those kids to be kind and do nice things for others!
9. Car Damage
You ready for this one? A man in Spain tried to sue for damages to his Audi A-8 caused when he struck and killed a teenage boy. He was asking for $29,400, but after realizing he was probably the devil, dropped the case. There were no criminal charges filed against the driver, but he was ordered to pay $48,500 to the family of his victim in a civil suit.
10. Welcome To Batman
Back in 2008 when Christopher Nolan started his Dark Knight trilogy, a city in Turkey decided to sue Warner Bros. Why? Because the town is called Batman and they claimed the studio ripped off their name. You know, because Batman was created in 2008 and had never been heard of before that.
In 2002 musician Mike Batt put a track on his album that was just silence. No words, no music, just silence. Apparently another musician, John Cage, had done the same thing previously. Cage had passed away, but his publishers went after Batt for copyright infringement. Batt settled out of court for an undisclosed six figure amount. So remember, silence is now copyrighted. Don’t do it.
12. Bank of America
Dalton Chiscolm got frustrated with bad customer service from Bank of America in 2009 so he decided to sue the bank. What’s a reasonable amount for his aggravation? According to Chiscolm it’s $1.784 billion trillion. This is after Chiscolm sued his landlord earlier in the year for $892 quadrillion because they entered his apartment. Just so you understand the amount he was asking for in the suit, $1.784 billion trillion is nearly 30 million times the total GDP of planet Earth. You’d need to successfully sue at least five Banks of America to make that much. (We can get creative with our projected earnings, too, Bank of America.)