Brains are the sexiest part of the human body, and if you don’t believe it, just behold Jessica Kinni. In addition to being history’s sole title-bearer of both former NASA intern and reality TV star, she’s a relentless Whovian, outer space enthusiast, and survivor of our clumsy seduction attempts.
So it’s been too long since we’ve basked in her starlight and creeped her out with expressions like “basked in her starlight.” Since nobody ever accused us of having the social skills to recognize when we’re not wanted, we hit her up for conversation again, this time exploring that beautiful mind with ten of the weirdest questions we could think of. But it’s okay. She’s a nerd. They appreciate the weird.
1. What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen?
I once saw this dog that had two paws on one leg. He wasn’t bothered by it and was friendly and good-natured, but it really stuck with me. It reminded me of one of those three-eyed fish on The Simpsons.
2. What person (living or dead) would you duel, and what’s your choice of weapon?
I would probably duel Vladimir Putin. One good hadouken ought to do it.
3. What’s the last dream you remember? What do you think it meant?
The other night I dreamed I had a mask-like marking on my face and I didn’t know it until someone finally told me. Then when I saw what it looked like, I realized it was the same mask as Wolverine. I’m pretty sure that my dream meant I should join the X-Men.
4. What’s the worst date you’ve had? It was the virtual one with us, right?
I once went on a date with this guy (and to clarify, I didn’t even know it was a date until he told me) and he sat through the entire meal and told me EVERYTHING he ever knew or read about me and then told me which photos of me on Google were his favorite. After our date he proceeded to call or message me every day for over a month to see if I would go out with him again. Yikes…
5. Yikes, indeed! What’s the most annoying thing a person can do?
I REALLY hate when someone apologizes and then adds a negating term like “but” or “however.” Either you are sorry or you are not, if you are justifying something, then it makes me think you don’t understand how what you said or did was hurtful. For example, “I’m sorry I bitch-slapped you, but you are an ignorant slut.” Makes me think maybe you aren’t sorry.
6. That’s funny, because we pay a lot of money to be slapped and denigrated. What’s a piece of pop culture you love but no one else remembers? (song, TV show, commercial, book, etc.)
I was a big fan of the Nickelodeon show Hey Dude. it was a show about kids that worked at a dude ranch. I always mention it to people and they have no idea what I am talking about. It was awesome and I wish they would bring it back so I could watch it again.
7. Would you rather encounter a ghost, aliens, or Bigfoot? Why?
Aliens. 1. Because out of the options listed, I feel like they have the best chance of being real and 2. Because I am obsessed with space and have a very hard time believing that somehow out of all of that vastness humans are the most highly evolved species….
8. What’s the most inexplicable attraction you’ve ever had to someone?
I do a lot of correspondent work and red carpet interviews, and a couple of years ago I had to interview someone at an event on camera and literally have no idea what I (or they) said during the entire interview because I actually saw lightning bolts when I looked at them. I honestly don’t even know if I asked them the questions I was supposed to ask them or if I just sat there starring at them and drooling. It was pretty wild, and it’s the only time I have ever had anything like that happen.
9. Here’s a one-way plane ticket to anywhere. Where will you go?
One-way? Gee thanks, was it sooo pricey that you couldn’t afford a round-trip?! I don’t want to move, I really like LA, so ask me again when you are willing to spring for my return flight as well.
10. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
I like to eat weird stuff and I am obsessed with spicy food. I buy habañero hot sauce because I think it tastes good. I’ve tried scorpions and snakes and I’ll pretty much try anything if I am not allergic to it and it can’t hurt me.
Brendan McGinley is editor round these parts when not writing comics or Cracked columns. You can say a neighborly hello to him on Twitter @BrendanMcGinley. You’d probably enjoy his supervillain comic Heist, if you’re a fan of tarnished souls and brutal retribution.