The Center Cannot Hold in ‘Action Comics’ #34

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Superman? More like Super-Ugly. #Burn #Notthatclever #Peoplewhosayhashtagaretheworstpeople

Superman? More like Super-Ugly. #Burn #Notthatclever #Peoplewhosayhashtagaretheworstpeople

DogBadge Brendan McGinley
Mr. McGinley is the editor of Man Cave Daily. Shame on him.
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Doomsday is all brawn (and/or energy absorption). Brainiac is all brains (it’s in his name!) so how are you going to handle both of them ruining your world at once? This is exactly like grade school, when the wormy little twerp you could lick in a fair fight would provoke trouble and then run behind the tough kid who could kick your butt. (You are correct to think this is a metaphor about you, Joe Mehlman.) What’s a Superman to do? 

No clue, because he can’t be found. Brainiac is disabling the entire planet in a matter of minutes, and even Batman is helpless as the crisis immediately turns into more than nine Justice Leagues can handle. So you can forgive him for asking Red Hood a question as obvious as “Can you see the spaceship blocking out the sky?” He’s under stress. It’s like that old saying: there are no stupid questions, just stupid Batmen.

Of course, these super-yahoos would be better prepared if they had read our interview with writer Greg Pak about all the catastrophe he intended to serve up to Superman in in “Continuity is the Devil” — Writer Greg Pak.

You might say it's...Action Paked. Hey-o!

You might say it’s…Action Paked. Hey-o!

Look, we get it. Bruce Wayne is a busy guy. We’re just saying everyone has time to read Man Cave Daily. It’s not like you need to bury your nose in another book about soil samples along the Gotham River. If Batman had done the smart thing–the moral thing, even–and liked our site on Facebook, he would have had critical info show up in his feed to stop crime on a planetary scale.

Don’t be a Batman. Read the preview below.

In this issue we learn that Doomsday is the Kryptonian name for HPV and Superman suffers from Lewandowsky-Lutz dysplasia (don't Google that, for crying out loud).

In this issue we learn that Doomsday is the Kryptonian name for HPV and Superman suffers from Lewandowsky-Lutz dysplasia (don’t Google that, for crying out loud).

That background is a magnified view of what Superman's skin cells look like right now. Ugh ugh ugh ick ooh gah gross.

That background is a magnified view of what Superman’s skin cells look like right now. Ugh ugh ugh ick ooh gah gross.

Hey, cool, Deadpool's in thi--oh, wait, no.

Hey, cool, Deadpool’s in thi–oh, wait, no.

We normally have a flip remark, but dang, how badass is this shot? Kuders to you, Aaron Kuder.

We normally have a flip remark, but dang, how badass is this shot? Kuders to you, Aaron Kuder. That’s right: kuders.

derp

Today is what you might call a full plate dinner in the the Hall of Justice.

Martian Manhunter is immune to the psychic attack, but just heard the new Nicki Minaj album.

Martian Manhunter is immune to the psychic attack, but just heard the new Nicki Minaj album.

derp

“Run, Superman! Everyone’s turning into Cyclops from the X-Men! Our entire universe is about to become boring!”

Read the rest on Wednesday in Action Comics #34!


Brendan McGinley is editor round these parts when not writing comics or Cracked columns. You can say a neighborly hello to him on Twitter @BrendanMcGinley.

You know we interviewed Charles Soule, right? He told us that “Things Can Fall Apart Any Second” in this book.

Return in red. <em>(Credit: DC Comics)</em>

Return in red. (Credit: DC Comics)

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