With ‘WWE 2K15’ Near, Time for the Ultimate Wrestling Game

When I was a kid I used to look forward to every Friday because that was the day my mom would go grocery shopping and she would give me two dollars in quarters for me to play games while she was shopping. I obviously lived in a small town in the ’80s so no one worried about kidnappings, apparently. The game that would always get my money was WWF WrestleFest. It was so much fun playing the Royal Rumble mode or trying to capture the tag team titles. I usually try to pick up every wrestling game that comes out, but something awful has happened with the next gen releases; the games have gotten way too complicated.

WWE 2K15 is coming out in October, and it looks to be a legacy game for fans from any year, but it’s time to simplify. Instead of simply complaining about what I don’t like on the new games (or old games), I thought it would be much more constructive to figure out how to build the perfect wrestling games. Here’s what I need:

A HUGE Roster of Wrestlers

Now that the WWE owns WCW and ECW, I want a game that has more than just the top stars. I want the deep cuts. I want to be able to play as The Eliminators against The Nasty Boys. I want to have a three way dance match between Goldust, Arn Anderson, and The Blue Meanie. Of course you can sell copies with Hogan or Flair on the cover, but if Sabu and Disco Inferno are on there, true wrestling fans would love it.

Simplified Gameplay

I picked up a copy of WWE 2K14 and figured I’d be able to jump into it somewhat easily since I played all of the old wrestling games. I was quite wrong. Bring back the simplified controls where a button grapples, either a strong or weak grapple, and then one of your four main buttons perform a different move. I don’t want to have to press one of the bumper buttons in order to counter a move when I’m on the mat. If a casual gamer can’t pick it up and at least enjoy themselves, you’re going to miss a lot of fans.

Bring Back Old Pay Per View Events

Sure WrestleMania is the biggest event in wrestling, but let’s not forget the granddaddy of them all: Starrcade. It would be incredible to have old school ECW events with wild crowds that will toss you chairs or chant “BORING” if the match gets too slow. As great as Royal Rumbles are, it would also be cool to have the option for World War 3, which was three rings with sixty wrestlers all at once. It would be complete chaos, but in the best way imaginable.

An Even Deeper Career Mode

The new WWE games have really great career modes, but it would be awesome to have a mode where you start in an independent organization, like the old Smoky Mountain Wrestling, and work your way up until you catch the eye of a major promotion. Contract negotiations may not be that enthralling, but making the path to WrestleMania filled with less glamour would make for a fun journey.

Let Us Experience the Monday Night Wars

No doubt the peak of wrestling was the mid ’90s during the Monday Night Wars. It was so exciting to see what the WWE or the WCW was going to do to try and win the battle each week. Which superstar would be jumping ship to the other company? Why not create an owner’s mode that let’s us take control of an organization and try to set up the best angles, events, and matches? You could try and recruit wrestlers from the other company or reinvent a superstar into a different character. Think of it as the owner’s version on Madden, except with wrestling.

The Announcing Dream Team

I know this may not seem like a big deal, but the lack of commentary or a generic announcer is just unacceptable. I want Jesse Ventura, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Bobby Heenan, and Joey Styles. Plus I don’t want 30 lines that they repeat over and over. Let’s go through archives of matches and fill it with commentary that feels more genuine and realistic than an endless loop.

That’s all I want, Mr. McMahon. If we can make this happen then I will buy a copy for myself as well as all of my wrestling gamer friends. The Attitude Era can live on forever!

Rob Fee is a writer and comedian best known for writing and telling jokes. You can follow him on Twitter @RobFee to read more of these jokes or go to Del Taco. He’s probably there.

Rob recently came up with some Possibilities for the Next SyFy Channel Shark Movie.

We defy you to think of a greater concept than Nazi sharks from outer space.

We defy you to think of a greater concept than Nazi sharks from outer space.

More from Rob Fee

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