Our 2014 Fantasy Football Mock(ery) Draft
When it comes to fantasy sports, nothing comes close to fantasy football’s domination even when the season has been over for seven months. Think about it. The fantasy season ended when the NFL regular season ended. Since then, players have been released, re-signed, resigned, injured, arrested, and drafted out of college. Even before training camp, football news was running rampant, and where there’s news, there are predictions as to who is going to be awesome in the coming fantasy football season.
It is also time for fantasy football mock drafts. True, we don’t know if the New York Giants are that clueless about their new playbook. We don’t know if Brian Hoyer or Johnny Manziel will be the quarterback for the Cleveland Browns (okay, I admit, if you are looking at either of them to head up your fantasy football team, you’re in trouble.) We still don’t even know if Josh Gordon’s appeal is going to lead to a suspension for just a few games again or the whole season. But we still pretend to draft as if we know all the answers, or keep our fingers crossed as we press that big “draft” button on the screen..
Mock drafts are supposed to provide a glimpse into how other fantasy players will work a draft so that you can gauge when a player will probably be taken, and fine tune your own selections. Some people do it once to take the temperature of the public. Others do it over and over again so that they can assemble the best case team for every possible draft placement, and still end up playing for the Sacko.
Then there are players like me who don’t take mock drafts seriously until a week before their real draft is supposed to happen, and decide to troll mock drafts with the worst possible selections that you didn’t even know were options. Last year, it was popular to go into a mock draft, be given the first pick, and promptly take the incarcerated Aaron Hernandez, causing half of the other players to leave the draft, most of the other half to type as many expletives at you as possible, and maybe one guy who wants to see who you’ll draft next.
Using my expert knowledge of free agency, statistics, general football knowledge, and tested in live online mock drafts on ESPN, I have assembled the greatest fantasy football troll team for the 2014 season, from quarterback to flex bench players. This is the definitive, complete mock draft for jerks, guaranteed to ruin mock drafts everywhere.