You Can Run from the Past but Not ‘Future’s End’ #18

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No no no, "Darkseid is." "Is Brainiac" is way too derivative to catch on.

No no no, “Darkseid is.” “Is Brainiac” is way too derivative to catch on.

DogBadge Brendan McGinley
Mr. McGinley is the editor of Man Cave Daily. Shame on him.
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Happy birthday, Jack Kirby! Remember that time the King took over at DC and his first act was to build a ramp specifically to nail Superman in the crotch? Those were good times. 

Those were good times.

Just, like…straight up and over those supergenitals.

But the good times are over now, as you saw in our review of Future’s End this week. Were we hard on this title? Perhaps, but only because it’s rippling with talent and premise. Four writers sounds like “Too many cooks,” but so far, so good, if the title has been a little too ambiguous in its reveals.

While that would not be the last or even second-to-last time a cover featured someone driving a motorcycle straight up Superman’s urethra, it’s far from the worst thing that could have happened to him. After some undisclosed catastrophe, the Man of Steel went back to both his roots as a brooding, shirtless, bearded drifter (Hi, Man of Steel!) and a decidedly non-clutch paper tiger who folds when he suffers one good smack (Hi, Kingdom Come!) then retreats to a farm to plow the earth, as did his father.

We’re guessing Superman’s heart feels like his groin in the image above, as we watch him bare his pain to John Constantine, the last person you ever want to show any vulnerability to in the New 52, and the only person who’d talk smack to an angry Superman.

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When John Constantine wears a trenchcoat in the desert, the sun is tricked into hiding behind a raincloud.

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“Right-o, I’ll tell the Earth it can #@*& off and die cos’ you had a bad day, then. Cheers!”

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Where did Superman find a girder in the dese–oh, right, he can be anywhere in a blink.

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Don’t get into a zinger contest with John bloody Constantine. You’ll only lose.

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Hey, just because you can’t get drunk doesn’t mean you’re allowed to spill everyone else’s alcohol.

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Diagnosis: Imminent broken jaw. This is why the wizard who gave BIlly his powers should have had a one-syllable name.

Find out the true evil of Cadmus Island on Wednesday in Future’s End #18! And score yourself that sweet Ryan Sook cover.


Brendan McGinley is editor round these parts when not writing comics or Cracked columns. You can say a neighborly hello to him on Twitter @BrendanMcGinley. You’d probably enjoy his supervillain comic Heist, if you’re a fan of tarnished souls and brutal retribution. 

Down we go.

Crime pays.

Brendan got the skinny on the new Star Wars comics this week when he interviewed Star Wars Editor Jordan D. White.

We see you have constructed a new line of comics.

We see you have constructed a new line of comics.

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