MowerHorror

The Worst Things that Ever Happened on a Riding Mower

For many suburban, middle-aged males, owning a riding mower is the ultimate reward for a lifetime of toil. A mechanized, potentially hazardous steed that both symbolizes a man’s mastery of the 5,000 or so square [...]

Writers–07/03/2014

It absolutely will not stop, ever, until the franchise is dead.

The Tale of the Tired Terminator

Schwarzenegger has revealed that in the next Terminator movie we’ll see the flesh of T-800s age, because CGI body doubling is still really expensive. Hopefully Skynet will be able build titanium-coltan alloy zimmer frames as [...]

Writers–06/25/2014

This man brought rock 'n' roll to space.

The Greatest Self-Help Book Ever Written

Self-help books have a reputation for being terrible. Because they are. They’re worse wastes of paper than a Toilet Paper Recycling License application form. The textual equivalent of someone patting your shoulder and saying “There, [...]

Writers–06/24/2014

What a wonderful phrase.

Remedial Rugby: The Haka!

Every sport has an athlete or team that’s so good that it almost isn’t fair on everyone else. The 100 meters has Usain Bolt, men’s swimming has possible merman Michael Phelps and the sport of [...]

Writers–06/20/2014

There's no single correct way to make a martini, but lord, there are some wrong ones.

What’s the Perfect Martini Ratio?

The martini is the one of the greatest drinks in existence. Notice how I didn’t say cocktails. I said drinks. It’s second only to Manhattans and water, and even then only because water has a [...]

Writers–06/19/2014

It wasn't as fun as the song made it sound.

This Badass Day in History: June 18

Yea, though the skies themselves be rent asunder and the demons of a thousand years’ penance spill forth from the crack in the sky, ‘twon’t be half sad badass a day as this date in [...]

06/18/2014

No need to get upset when you're riding in a miracle of engineering.

Elevate Yourself In Airports for a Better Journey

Airports are palaces to the power of human progress. Armed with nothing but the ability to notice when we’d fallen over, we worked out the law of gravity and then built at it until we [...]

06/16/2014

vultures Thinkstock

Good Luck Charms for the Discerning Lunatic

Whether you believe in luck or not, you have to admit that there are some days when the black cat crossing your path turns out to be a puma. It’s cosmically unlikely that the universe [...]

Writers–06/13/2014

Gin, gin, wonderful gin!

The Glory of Gin

Every culture creates their own alcohol. That’s how you can tell they’re a culture and not a species of soberly shaved apes. Rum is where the tropics turn sunshine into happiness, Scotch is how to [...]

Writers–06/12/2014