Fictional Cocktail Party!

The Vesper
The Vesper
Hollywood’s habit of pitching any possible tie-in to kids is like a reverse junkie habit. Did you like that? Have a skateboard of it. Have a toothpaste of it. Have a Slurpee of it! (Obviously, the trend is alive and well.) Kids get to sleep on their favorite movie's sheets, make their backpacks billboards for it, and to drink whatever their favorite superhero drank. It's nice to not have merchandising shoved down our throats at every second, but maybe...maybe we're missing the real-world connections that made us love those childhood movies? Maybe we need physical connections to truly immerse us into stories, no matter what age. This is all a long-winded way of saying that we wanted to make some cocktails invented in movies/books/television, and did so. Some of these drinks are somewhat normal, and simply earned their fame in their respective sources. (White Russians were excluded because they, you know, actually existed before The Big Lebowski). Some have remained in the realm of fiction because they're, well, really ridiculous. Or they contain tiger teeth. Either way, we made what was known, took some guesses at what recipes that are never named, and approximated ingredients that don't exist in this universe. The results are mostly horrifying, and below. Bond’s first-ever beverage of choice is just the slightest aperitif twist away from the typical martini. Which is to say, a whole lot of gin. One taster declared it “Gin-y”. Another said that it “definitely tasted like gin.”
from Casino Royale
from Casino Royale
Vespersaurus
For living a life of golden guns, fast cars, and exploding wristwatches, Bond is a pretty mild mixologist. We decided to add a lot more lemon twists and turn it into a Vespersaurus, which stood watch over the table for the rest of the night.
from Casino Royale
From: Bad News Bears
Buttermaker Boilermaker
Not that you haven’t had a boilermaker before, but apparently some people like to have the shot first and separate or something. Walter Matthau says you’re a wuss.
From: Bad News Bears
From: Bad News Bears
Buttermaker Boilermaker step 2
One cheap beer, one double-shot down, and a friendly refill of whiskey later, our beer was ready to wash the taste of coaching little league right out of your mouth.
From: Bad News Bears
From: Bad News Bears
Buttermaker Boilermaker step 3
Although our initial taster’s comment of “Oh, God…I am not a man!” seemed to indicate that the cocktail might lack universal appeal.
From: Bad News Bears
From: A Clockwork Orange
Moloko Plus
At this point in the night, recipes had to start getting a bit creative. And cocktail creativity after drinking a few cocktails is, of course, the best idea. Nevertheless, our stab at the Moloko wasn’t the worst in the world: a tall glass of milk, an ounce of absinthe, an ounce of ouzo, an ounce of Drambuie and a tablespoon of sugar. Declaring it to taste like Good 'n’ Plenty, our tasters performed subsequent acts of violence against common sense and their livers by continuing to drink fictional cocktails.
From: A Clockwork Orange
Flaming Moe
Flaming Moe
In retrospect, this would obviously be the point at which the evening went into fifth gear bad decision time. Following the recipe faithfully, a bit of all available (non-dairy, yikes) alcohols were combined with what may or may not have been cough syrup and good old-fashioned fire.
From: The Simpsons
Flaming Moe
Flaming Moe
The sulfur and burnt sugars gave a savory kick…which was followed by several other kicks to the face, all within the first sip. But everyone’s throats felt fine!
From: The Simpsons
Red Mocho Kooler -- yes, that's the spelling.
Red Mocho Kooler
Realizing we lacked chocolate syrup, we were all set to go to the store to pick some up. Then we realized we were going to go pay money to make ourselves a cup of chocolate syrup with some Kahlua mixed in, topped with a sprinkle of Kool-Aid. We made one of our few good decisions of the night and vetoed the Red Mocho Kooler shopping excursion.
From: The Venture Brothers
Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster
Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster
When a cocktail is described as “like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick,” you want to do it justice. Many real-world equivalents have been dreamed up, usually with hideous ingredients to do justice to its supposed effects.
From: The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy
From: The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy
Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster
Our former bartender friend was left in charge of this drink, and while we didn’t know what was in it, we did know it looked like an American flag on acid being boiled in acid all while you’re on acid. We assumed it tasted even worse. We were right.
From: The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy
Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster
Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster
In perhaps its greatest trick of all, the PGGB made everyone turn back to the previous cocktails (even the Vespersaurus!) and imbibe them to wash away the taste. In this way was the fellowship of the drinks broken, many of its participants to never be seen again. At least until next week.
From: The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy
All Our Bad Choices
All Our Bad Choices
Another fine alcohological expedition.
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