Redhead Day is the first weekend in September
So here are some of the hottest redhead celebrities on planet womankind. Did we miss any?The Dutch know what's up: they gather all the red-haired fairy folk they can bottle in one place, and then have them sing their magical songs that summon positive emotions to make the world a better place: emotions like "lust" and "admiration" and "respect," if you must have that one.
The fourth thing you didn't need to know is that she's already taken by Sacha Baron Cohen. So congratulations, class clowns! All you have to do to land one of the most attractive women on earth is let a naked obese man sit on your face, film it, and show it to millions of people. The path to success is strange, but its rewards have blood-red hair, and that's worth any price.The three things you need to know about Isla Fisher are she's hilarious, Australian, and she has legs up to her ears.
Isla Fisher 2: Crimson Boogaloo
We had a clever comment to go here, but we honestly can't think straight.Here she is again, but with dramatic lighting...because every sequel has up to up the stakes.
Angie Everhart is your trilingual, skydiving redhead to end all redheads
Ford Modeling Agency founder Eileen Ford once told Everhart that redheads don't sell...which is hilarious, considering Christina Hendricks and Amy Adams made their breakthrough on bottlejob hair. Everhart is the real deal, and absolutely nobody is complaining about it, Miz Ford. Every second Angie Everhart isn't having her picture taken, the human race isn't living up to its potential.How Angie Everhart never played a Bond girl is beyond us, considering she pretty much is one in real-life. She speaks three languages, travels the world, has jumped out of more planes than you've even been in, and she survived a hug with Craig Kilborn.
These days she's sort of everything Fey was warning about.Ah, there was a time, friends, when the name Lohan meant something around these parts. Now best known as 11% of the traffic on that stupid gossip site your girlfriend reads, this dame once played an adorable social climber scripted by Tina Fey
Lindsay Lohan, continued
Weep with us, won't ye, for what is lost?But oh, the heat that surrounded this gal! She had a smile that could dim the sun, and locks of such autumnal hues that every day was Thanksgiving.
The Siege of Lohan
In conclusion: did Disney really pay a million bucks to digitally remove her jiggle from the <em>Herbie</em> movie? Why would you spend that much to make the world a less joyful place? You just cost yourselves $20m in America's pervy dads buying tickets.It's a shame nobody close to this dame was watching out for her better. Hopefully she'll be able to get her life in order and render her career more <em>Mean Girls</em> and less <em>I Know Who Killed Me</em>.
She's all legs and red hair -- both thankfully only where they ought to be. This woman's a legendary beauty, and one-half of the eternal quandary: Mary-Anne or Ginger? Today, at least, it's Ginger.You know you're sexy when you play a perpetually evening-gown-clad starlet and the character is actually less glamorous than the actress portraying her.
Diane Neal has the best smile. Just the BEST SMILE. We really like girls with great smiles.She's on <em>L&O:SVU</em>, which you can decipher for yourself. We like to think it means "Lobsters & Oysters: Silly Volcano Undertakers." She studied archeology, and spent time in Egypt and Israel perfecting her Indiana Jones moves. In 2010 she played two Special Agents and a florist, but we like to pretend all three characters were different cover identities for the same fed. Was this floral shop called Flowers by Irene, perchance?
Bryce Dallas Howard
She also gave 100% to <em>The Lady in the Water</em>, which is a little like watching the girl you love in high school be the best girlfriend ever to some insecure drama student who's too self-absorbed to appreciate it.Hey, you know what's weird? In <em>Spider-Man 3</em>, they dyed a blonde's hair red to play Mary Jane, and a redhead blonde to play Gwen Stacy. Danged if that platinum paintjob on Dallas-Howard's high-cheekboned redhead facial features didn't capture Gwen's ethereal, otherworldly beauty, though. She was always supposed to be the girl far from next door, and this actress played her with charm, class, and loveliness befitting Peter Parker's true love.
Bryce Dallas Howard
Conclusion: you have a standing invite to our cocktail party, Bryce Dallas Howard.She's a classic beauty, that one. She seems like she'd be the life of the cocktail party, no? Even though she's never touched a drop of alcohol in her life, according to Wikipedia. But we won't hold that against her.
She's an actress, singer, and ninja. Hold the phone, you're saying, an actress AND singer? In HOLLYWOOD? Yes, but more importantly, you missed the part about her taking ninjitsu, because she wouldn't be a very good ninja if she didn't escape notice. That said, a shock of red hair is going to make it very hard to tenchu your way up on a target, even if its mesmerizing beauty does render them unable to resist the killing stroke.A redhead named Scarlett? Now that's double-down parenting. It's like they wanted her to be constantly in trouble but destined for great things.
She played the second-hottest mom on <em>Friday Night Lights</em>, and in Dillon, TX that's saying something. She'd have taken first, but her character was a terrible mother, and it's hard to stay in the moment when a woman's child is knocking on the trailer door to beg for mustard so this sandwich is more than just two slices of bread (one slice of which is imaginary).Man, oh man, oh woman. It's "The D-Girl" from <em>The Sopranos</em> and the A-bomb in our hearts. Alicia Witt is a musician and an actress and a goddamn Dante Rosetti painting come to life. She's whip-smart and creative, writing her own (great) music while playing the piano, and...and...just...WE CAN'T TAKE IT. WHY ARE YOU NOT EVERYWHERE, ALICIA WITT?! Why do we have to go through the day and not be reminded at points that you exist?
Peterson turns 61 soon, and...wait, what? That can't possibly be right. Did she mix up 60 and 33, or is she actually undead? Not for nothing, Elvira, but that is far, far hotter than even what "Woman who looks great for 40" is supposed to look like. We'll come right out and say it: she puts the sex in sexagenarian. (At least someone gets to.)Who's this? Oh, you know who this is. You don't know you know, but you know. This is none other than Elvira herself, the kitschy, curvy cutie from the crypt. Unless you're one of those kids who never willed themselves to stay awake in the '80s until her creature feature show came on late at night. She also (maybe?) posed for the cover of a Tom Waits album. And she starred in some Coors Light ads. What's that? You mean Coors Light had a decent ad campaign once upon a time? Ha! No way. They covered her cleavage and toned down her ribald banter. For a beer company, Coors sure frowns on anything fun. But more to the point: this is the redhead that launched 1,000,000 pubescences, and is the reason most of us can only achieve fear-boner today.
Harris-Ackles has a green thumb, and tweets photos from her garden that are as lovely as she is. And if you think that's a ridiculous thing to admire in a woman, you don't love eating nearly as much as we do. Or well-rounded women. Also their curves. Anyway, she gives you all three virtues here.Daneel Harris-Ackles did what 10 million girls on Tumblr wished they could do, and married <em>Supernatural</em> star Jensen Ackles. That's irrelevant to our discussion here, but we get paid an extra fifty cents by our bosses every time we plug a CW show. Now: on to the gist!
Danneel Harris-Ackles 2: The Quickening
...okay, we thought about it. And we'll think about it again a couple more times before the end of this article.She's another piano-playing redhead, a gymnast, and a singer. Dang, Daneel Harris-Ackles, save some floor show for the rest of the cabaret. Other people need to make their mark on this crazy world too, y'know. You're one fire-breathing act away from starting your own circus. A sexy, all-redhead circus. *Gasp!* We have to go think very hard about this idea.
That said, we haven't heard a single story about her having (insert redhead stereotype personality trait) here, so...people are more complicated than the labels we put on them? Maybe that's the lesson. We're in no mood for introspection. There's dames in fancy dress here for the ogling, friend! We'll get into metaphysics later.Something something Spice Girl Power World YEAH! You know how all the Spice Girls have names like Care Bears or Smurfs based on their lone characteristic? Well her name was Ginger Spice. Because she's a redhead. That's her ENTIRE personality: a rampaging Chromosome 16.
....bet you're waiting for a punchline, huh?Be careful, because Jenny Lewis tunes will make you feel all kinds of tender emotions, which as a man, society frowns upon you for doing. If anyone asks why you're crying, just explain you've never seen red hair so perfect. Then think back to that first love her crooning made you remember, and curse this Earth that makes a man choose between the past and the future. Yeah, she's that good.
...But in a respectful manner, of course. Because that right there is a lady.A fantastic actress--just fantastic. And seems like a solid person. We want you to keep in mind we said that when we disclose that the thoughts we have of Julianne Moore would confuse Dr. Ruth and make Jenna Jameson blush.
Julianne Moore: First Blood-Red Hair Part 2
Okay, even if that's an exaggeration (it's not), she's definitely the most gorgeous children's author.What Julianne Moore lacks in any color besides red and white, she makes up in style and being the most gorgeous woman in America.
Julianne Moore 3: No sequel title. Just hotness
Fun fact: she's actually infrared, but what we see on the screen is just the portion of Julianne Moore that falls into our visual spectrum. Only birds and Superman can see her true beauty.There are Coke cans depressed that they'll never be Julianne Moore right now. Modern hi-def screens compose images using Green, Blue & Julianne Moore.
Strange...WONDERFUL...things.As an Englishwoman, a musician, a songwriting model, and a stunning redhead, Karen Olsen is basically a synopsis of this list. She has a voice at turns smoky and trilling, which does strange things to a man's insides.
Karen Elson Episode 2: Attack of the Clones
Of course, when we pictured it, she was thanking us for the bouquet of flowers. But we're wishful like that.Take another gander. Have you ever seen a more perfect image of what pops into your head when someone says, "Think of a beautiful redheaded model"?
Then again...what's to say? Mysteries are more intriguing than solved cases.We're going to put our finger on the scale with this one, because Mara's auburn leaning on brunette, but she has that look, you know? That mysterious depth that makes a woman irresistible, so hey, let's call her a redhead of a different stripe so we can continue to talk about her.
A Kathleen Turner-voiced fusion of Rita Hayworth, Lauren Bacall, Veronica Lake, and Red Hot Riding Hood, Mrs. Rabbit was an early litmus test of our crimson inclinations. The only question is where Eddie found the willpower to save Roger after this, knowing he could have a lusty widow waiting at the wake.Come on, you knew this one was coming.
She played Wonder Woman's mom, which is the kind of badass that badassness looks up to.With 12 seasons of CSI under her belt (lucky seasons), Helgenberger is known far and wide as the savvy Catherine Willows.
Marg Helgenberger 2: The Red Panther Strikes Again
Do YOU have any geographical landmarks named after you? No? Then we guess you're not trying hard enough to impress Ms. Helgenberger.She has a street in her hometown named after her.
Fun fact: in England a crush is called "an egg & butty chisel wort," and you express your affections by tying a boiled sparrow to the girl's mailbox. But mailboxes are called "postal trappies." Other fun fact: All those first facts were made up!She has the name of a Dobie Gillis love interest, but is renowned for her soap opera work in <em>EastEnders</em> and some admirable charity work. Throw in the English accent, and you've got yourself a solid crush.
You're welcome for the four different sci-fi references in a single paragraph, people who got here by googling "Naked Sikozu Svala Shanti Sugaysi Shanu."An Australian!--IT'S A TRAP! We can't repel hotness of that magnitude! Raelee Hill played an alien on Farscape, from an entire planet of redheads. We KNEW it! Gingers are one of those alien races Captain Kirk was always bedding, and though they possess strange powers we can't comprehend, they are vulnerable to our yellow sun.
Gal looks good in fur, too, we gotta say.Olstead is a jazz singer, and not that lame smooth jazz crap, but stuff you can tap your foot to, spin a gal around the dance floor on, and still have time for your best man toast. So she's sort of a brainy, feisty, tiny Frank Sinatra. Or, if you prefer, a redheaded Ella Fitzgerald. Or maybe just her own thing. Here's the only bit we know for certain: she has singing talent, intelligence, and charm, which are all characteristics we admire in a dame.
Rebecca Mader Redheads are like rock 'n' roll -- our national obsession that England perfects and sends back to us. It happened with the Rolling Stones, and it happened with Rebecca Mader. This actress will short-circuit your brain with her adorable, lilting English accent and flirty style. Thanks, you limey ang mohs!
Rebecca Mader 2: The Other Side
...still do, too.Hey, look, it's Rebecca Mader again! Oh God, and she's wearing green. When a redhead wears green, it's like Superman putting on Kryptonian battle-armor: completely unnecessary, but absolutely irrefutable. Hi, Bex! Remember us, from the previous image in this gallery? We're the ones who thought you were keen!
We're not saying she's a succubus, but if she's not, these night terrors we've been having will be really hard to explain to the guys at the laundromat. And be honest: if a being materializes out of the mist to sit on your chest and whisper horrors in your ear, who's going to put up with that if she doesn't look like Manson and purr the most awful ideas in your ear with a Scottish accent? That's the whole point of Shirley Manson: everything about her is wonderful, and none among ye shall survive it.You don't crush on pint-sized Scottish rocker/actress/hurricane Shirley Manson to fantasize about meeting her. Instead, you fantasize about escaping from her long enough to warn others, and then die of a mysterious ailment with a smile on your face.
She always seems so excited to be wherever she goes, that we're crushing a little extra harder on her. Who doesn't love a lady with this much genuine happiness?If you ever want to make a British person or a Tumblr user angry, pretend not to know what Dr. Who is. (that's right, Tumblr. Two times in one article)! Too bad for your troll tactics that you'll never be able to forget Karen Gillan with a straight face. With this much beauty and a Scottish accent besides, not even the omni-capable alien The Doctor was able to resist her charms. Or maybe he was, and then time travel happened.