The Girl Next Door (next door is two Alpine peaks away)

Right here, you have your classic Oktoberfest getup: pigtails, dirndl (thats that awesome dress/vest combo), and full pitcher of beer with a fat head of foam. It all adds up to the fraulein next door.

Throw in a pretzel and a currywurst, and you've got enough treats for the tongue, liver and eyes to keep yourself on an endless loop of drunken joy. Too tipsy? Eat pretzel. Too thirsty? Drink beer. Too tired? Go to bed. CIRCLE OF LIFE!

The best festival in the world

Gosh, this festival is...it's just the BEST, you know? You could weep with joy at the very idea.

Oktoberfest has been going on for 202 years, ever since Prince Ludwig married Princess Therese von Sachsen-Hildburghausen. That's over two centuries of beerfully admiring beautiful girls dressed like above. This is the greatest of all possible worlds!

Ironically, her head is cut off

It's typical in Germany to pour a larger head of foam than we do here in the States, so make any obvious jokes you want while we stare fondly at that glass and remember Germany as it was when we were young and the world was full of possibility...most of it in a beer glass.

Fun fact: Munich's official motto is "München mag Dich" which means "Munich likes you." And we like YOU, city of beer, bread, boobs and bratwurst

Elysium?

Not sure if at Oktoberfest...

...or dead after virtuous life.

Can you ever get tired of this?

Seriously, how bad would your day have to be before you weren't in the mood for a beautiful young woman in a sexy Bavarian outfit to hand you a beer?

Bless you, young lady, you're doing God's work.

Cheers for beers!

Why yes, thank you, we WOULD like a beer. That beer. Thank you. Yes.

How could this get any better?

Oh, that's how it could get better

Saucy, young lady. Very saucy.

Gingham! WE LOVE GINGHAM!

You might not know this, but if a woman commits a crime while wearing gingham, that woman technically did not break the law. Nothing bad counts while in gingham, beause gingham's purity smooths out any trespass, violence, or fraud. Like that time Dorothy murdered two women in Oz over some shoes.

Holy crow! Look at the size of that beer!

Gilding the lily

Alright, this one is hitting so many notes it makes us suspicious. Like maybe it's a trap.

Seriously, this one's going to end in either blackmail or police officers.

Might as well jump

In the '80s, songs didn't have to actually mean things so long as there was a keyboard or synthesizer. People didn't understand how music could be made without electronic contributions, which is how you ended up with the Van Halen classic, "Jump," and its electro-organ whimper chords.

So imagine, if you will, a low-tech version of "Jump" as performed by a German band in a field somewhere, tubas blumping out the sounds of Diamond Dave's indefatigable ecstasy.

Stop offering us beer if you can't reach through the monitor

It's one thing to desire a woman you'll never meet. Hey, electrons bouncing off a screen: we think you're sexy. But you can't quench your thirst no matter how many pitchers you stare at. This is cruel torture.

That said, she's an A-class dame.

Das Boot!

This lusty wench puts the OO in "Das Boot." Hey, if you drank this on a German boat, you'd have das boot on Das boot! But good luck finishing it without spilling it all over yourself in the sternly rolling tide.

...we really gotta get her aboard a boat now.

Wait...now there's chocolate hearts?

If there can be Christmas in July, why can't there be Oktoberfest in February?

Well, because for starters, it would be called Februfetz or Pfefferberry or something weird like that.

Oh, come on...

This is mathematically as hot as you can be: just covered enough to leave plenty to the imagination, but just bared enough to give that imagination some really good inspiration.

That's too much hotness to bear. Come back after the beer and bratwurst so we can ogle you without spilling food all over ourselves.