spiders

Circle of life, circle of slow death. Same thing. (credit: Thinkstock)

The Broke Man’s Guide to a Girlfriend

by Luis Prada Times are tough and money is short for many. Screw it. I’ll drop the pretense. Times are tough for me. I exist in a constant state of broke. What doesn’t help is my [...]

Writers–14 hours ago

Everything's better on a Ritz--even spider legs.

Delicious Food or Horrifying Animal?

by E. Reid Ross Tomorrow, May 11, is Eat What You Want Day, which means absolutely no one can judge you for ButterPop — the popsicle that’s a frozen stick of butter. But say you’re [...]

2013/05/10

All's fair in love and war, but the former offers more opportunities for orgasm.

The Craziest Consensual Sex Criminals

by Luke McKinney We had sex before we had laws, because it’s more fun. Sex is the fundamental drive of human progress. It doesn’t just create new people, it also motivates most athletic activity, intellectual [...]

Writers–2013/01/23

"Hi, I'll be your sub-minimum wage booze servant today."

Things Your Chain Restaurant Bartender Wants You to Know

by Brian Cullen Hey guys. Thanks for coming. I really appreciate it. You may be wondering why I called you all here today. You see, I…have some news. It’s something shocking about my past. And I’m here [...]

2012/07/30

Behold! The Brock Lesnar of sea monsters

Three Mythical Creatures We Might Get (and Three We Want)

by Dan Morgridge Master of Beasts. That, gentlemen, is the title any good pet-owning male should be able to go by. But there is a chance that our current animals of choice are not quite total badass material. [...]

Writers–2012/07/23

If you've never seen Three Dev Adem, you've never been high

Finally Some Damn Real-Life Superheroes

This week in Badass Apocalyptic News for Gents — real-life superheroes are here at last! Gentlemen! We are yet again one day closer to the future. Well, at least all of the futures in [...]

2012/05/25

But can O'Kegbot pour a perfect pint o'Guinness?

B.A.N.G. — Bro-Bot Uprising Edition

Gentlemen, a fine belated May Day to you. As B.A.N.G. headquarters is located in a remote facility somewhere within 12,500 miles of Chicago, we are happy to celebrate a belated International Worker’s Day…HUMAN workers, that [...]

Writers–2012/05/10

Badass Apocalyptic News for Gents: Giant Spider Attack!

Gentlemen, forgive me. We here at B.A.N.G. have gotten a bit ahead of ourselves, worrying whether cyborg snails with silence guns or revived mammoths surfing on killer waves will win the right to destroy all of humanity. In our [...]

Writers–2012/04/26

B.A.N.G.: Badass Apocalyptic News for Gents

Gentlemen, as always, science is afoot. And while some of it is only interested in bringing us delicious new snacks or telling tiny planets that they’re worthless and weak, some of it is much more nefarious. We [...]

Writers–2012/03/27

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